Dear "Father" Tony:
Your fanatically anti-Catholic efforts sadden me and I will pray for you because I think you need it desperately. Have you not asked yourself why you are attacking our clergy? Isn't it self-serving? Don't bother responding, you will have to answer to God our Father, not to us.
Yours in Jesus Christ,
Maine Catholics who follow the teachings of the One True Church.
[FYI: Elsewhere, I have all but outed some gay Maine priests for allowing the outrageous "second collection" that will go to support the anti-gay efforts in Maine. That is why this reader is irritated.]
Dear Maine Catholic,
There is not much that I can say to you that will change your mind, except that your son, daughter, father, mother, aunt, uncle, nephew, niece, grandfather, grandmother, sister, brother, husband, wife, priest, bishop and pope may be gay, and that they are burning up a lot of calories concealing that fact from you because they love you. They know how judgmental you are, but still allow you your hate because they value you greatly. How does that make you feel?
Furthermore, I want you to know something about your priest. Chances are, on his free days, he drives to Portland or Boston or New York and he goes to a gay bar where he meets a stranger and goes home with that stranger and puts that stranger's penis in his mouth or maybe in his ass, or maybe he puts his own ordained penis into the stranger's mouth or ass, and then he speeds home hoping to have time to wash the residue of sex off his body before entering the church and getting vested just before the bell signals his entrance into the sanctuary and the beginning of the Mass you are attending; the Mass in which he is going to instruct you to cough up money during a second collection to support anti-gay marriage efforts. Does Father look a little tired to you? It's not because he's been praying the rosary all night. You think I'm making it up? Email me, and I'll give you the addresses of their watering holes. Go see for yourself.
If your priest is not in that group, he is probably in that other group that has established a secret sexual relationship with a respectable married man (often, the local funeral director, high school principal or his "friend" who is the pastor of a different Maine parish).
In an ideal world, you would have the nonsense burned out of your soul. (Read the short stories of the very Roman Catholic Flannery O'Connor to see yourself depicted clearly.) You would see the sad absurdity of this situation, and you would rectify it by allowing priests to marry, by allowing gay priests to be honest about their sexuality, by celebrating the way our God made all of us in his wisdom.
I do not believe in hell, but I do honestly, sincerely, completely, ardently, deeply and most assuredly believe that your hatred would get you there long before my having sex with my husband would. Wake up, Mary, and smell the coffee that Jesus has brewed. I think, in your heart, you agree with me. It's just that you are afraid to take the leap to independent thinking in your faith even though you folks in Maine are famous for your independent thinking in other matters. Let your first step be in the privacy of the voting booth. Jesus already loves you, but he will love you even more when you vote to protect the rights of your gay loved ones and your tormented priests. Make some history, Mama. You know you wanna.