I realized something this weekend.
I can't do it all.
I'm exhausted most of the time. I'm not doing anything well, just a lot of stuff half- assed. I'm done.
We had our last weekend in downeast. Too cold from now on, as we learned the hard way that first Thanksgiving we did up there. Sure, it's a challenge once but I have to say, I really don't like being cold. Never bothered me before but it does now.
Our island neighbor invited us to pick some carrots he had planted. They were delicious. The kids loved walking across the rocks at low tide to pick them, not to mention checking out the tiny spot of land always in our view from the porch.
As were the steamers, and lobsters and mussels... a day long food fest yesterday. It was fun to be with many folks, all celebrating Walter's birthday- a little late but hopefully not a dollar short. Donald, again, cooked up an extraordinary meal.
Today, we packed up, said goodbye to the house till next spring- yes, I will be eager to go way too early again.
But I am so tired. I can't do all I want to do. I know I have to accept the fact that the battle in Maine will go on without me. Actually, almost everything can go on without me- except my family. And right now, for many reasons, my family must be my focus right now.
After the party was mostly over last night, Ben sat on the couch with me and was the silliest I've seen him in so long. Sure, poop and pee were the highlights of his giggles but I saw my boy again. It was sweet. He is such a kind person, deep down.
Zachary was in his "Calvin" mood most of the weekend- getting just on the edge of trouble, then laughing wickedly and running off. I worry he is too "good" too much of the time. It was nice to see him push it.
Jake had his best pal Logan with him. The two of them were playing gin, running around dressed as ninjas, and generally having a blast. It is a priceless friendship the two have- I hope they always have it.
That's what is important. Carrots, giggles, and ninjas. I need to remember I'm not the hub of the universe, that my participation will not make or break anything.
Except in my family.