Fr. Tony, You've got it just right. Parents, gay or ordinary have some rights to privacy. The kiddies needn't know all. Even when the kids are older (teens) they don't need to know if I'm top, bottom, etc. Giving them love and self-confidence is so important.

OK, I'm with you 100% about the gift of self-confidence. That wasn't one my parents passed on to me and I found I had to rebuild myself from the ground up when I got away to college. Ours was not a happy household; I was NEVER good enough for my father, a large part of which was that I was patently obviously NOT going to be the big football hero he had been--I grew up in NYC's theaters, museums, concert halls and opera houses. It took years before I was appreciated for myself and my own accomplishments which was nice when it happened, but WAY too late.

Nudity at home is an issue about which I may not agree with you. Bodies in my house were not only always heavily clothed, but the human body was treated as something shameful to be hidden. BIG mistake. There needs to be a middle ground. I see children at nude beaches all the time and they're clearly having a great time, not suffering or--the extreme Right's constant cant--"confused." They're just kids having fun and may hopefully escape the totally fucked up paranoia Americans have about bodies. The sensitive age comes with the onset of puberty. THEN parents have to be a bit more discrete. Teenagers at nude beaches are rarely nude themselves--too many issues of what has developed when, how big (penises and breasts), and there's much self consciousness.

Gay parents should have gay friends and straight friends, but the gay ones should be invited over with some frequency to give the children the message that same-sex couples are as natural and normal as straight ones.

One thing I DON'T agree with is that gay parents should stop being gay while raising kids. Perhaps they do not need to reveal some things to their children, but if their sex lives are varied and enriched by paraphernalia, then the toys need to be placed in locked drawers, chests or closets for discretion's sake, but they need to remain in the house for use. When friends ask advice on sticky family situations I always quote the instructions given by flight attendants about what to do if the oxygen masks drop. Put your mask on and adjust it completely. Once you've taken care of yourself, you'll be able to take care of others properly. Two guys going frustrated through life because they've divested themselves of what gave them sexual joy and fulfillment aren't likely to be happy parents. But discretion, yes.

1) Agree. Displaying affection for each other is not only fine its great! It shows that you genuinely care for your partner. Try your best to keep the sex in the bedroom even if it is boring and remember to lock the door. My Mom insisted on keeping the door unlocked and on dark stormy nights there were quite a few times where I jumped in to their bed scared to death only to inturupt them playing ‘horsey’.

8) OK, I saw both of my parents naked at a young age. Mostly having them explain ‘innies’ and ‘outties’ to me during bath time. IMO seeing your parents naked at a young age is normal, espically around bath time.

Good advise overall but in a way I find it patronizing that it's considered necessary. Parents are parents, kids are kids, and the principles are the same whether the couple involved is gay or straight. Gays shouldn't need to be told to avoid dildos on the Xmas tree around small children any more than straights. Perhaps there are people that stupid out there, but that's not a function of being gay.

The advice, FT, is great... right on!

It is not, as Arthur has suggested, patronizing and unnecessary.

Nor should the concerns raised be viewed as effort to"protect kids from sexuality" as suggested by BP contributor, Mr. Blaze.

This is about fostering a healthy reverence for sexuality (something which our community-as-a-whole needs to develop, not just teach the young ones in our lives). We could and should do our community and the upcoming generations, regardless of sexual orientations, a great service by revering and sanctifying sexual activity as relationship-cementing rather than de-valuing it as simple recreational activity.

If sexual activity is private and discreet (not secret and shameful) it is special. If it is public, trivialized, considered a casual social commodity and if it is allowed to dominate what defines the GLBT community, we'll never gain the respect, rights and equality for which we dream, work and fight.

"Help your kids understand that your activism and preoccupation with 'gay' is really about your gaining rights to equality and less about gay sex itself."

That's a GREAT point, FT, but our community should consider this: While our primary public testimonies (Pride festivals, parades and GLBT community publications) of "what we are about" are sponsored by lube brands, porn producers and bath houses; dominated by booths, displays and demonstrations of fetishes, sex toys and hookup mentalities, we'll never gain the respect, credibility, equality and rights for which we fight.

We consistently encourage the broader community to take note of and embrace our Pride festivals. We invite and welcome friends, families and their children... and then what do we show them when they get there?

Our community is often its own worst enemy.

Unfortunately, the reality is that our GLBT community culture is generally dominated, overpowered and defined by very vocal and visible emphasis on sexual activity rather than on gaining rights and equality.

Sexual activity should not be considered secret and shameful, nor should it be casually displayed as what defines us. It should not be portrayed through our attitudes, behaviors and entertainment as a casual recreational product or activity (that's not a criticism of the GLBT community, exclusively -- it also applies, increasingly, to modern culture at large). Again, it should be revered as special and sacred; ideally reserved for the context of a monogamous loving relationship.

As long as our most visible and vocal public testimonies of our identity and purpose revolve around sexual activity, advice such as FT's is necessary because the children and young adults are watching and listening. They are learning from our example.

Anything-goes cavalier behaviors, obscene entertainment and pubic testimony laced with profanity do not equate with "Progressive" nor promote any perception that our community is credible and worthy of respect.

I believe we are on the cusp of a terrible backlash against our community as a result of such attitudes and actions. The momentum could turn in favor of our goals and objectives, but I see a wave rising out of already-difficult tides against our efforts to gain respect, equality and rights. The tide could hit us as a cultural tsunami and set us back 50 years if we don't unite and correct our course now.

How we handle the sexual activity component of GLBT culture with the young ones in our families and broader communities will either gain us or lose us much ground in our battles to establish credibility, respect, rights and equality.