Alex, thank you for calling out the overdramatic use of "gay-apartheid." I don't want to diminish anyone's experience who has been a victim of violence, but I do think it's kind of extreme.

Alex, how much of this great distaste for same sax marriage has to do with "the M-word" and how much about the concept of same sex couples having equal rights under some less controversial name?

I've been saying for awhile that the issue of marriage is really about straight supremacy. People may want LGBTs to have all the legal rights straight people have, but without giving up their special status that comes with the word marriage.

The "Gay Apartheid" term makes me uncomfortable because that's not what I feel I'm experiencing at all. It's just the feeling that people think they're better than me because they're straight. It's a fight over social status and social equality not legal equality. And we can say until we're blue in the face that civil unions aren't legally equal, but they're just not going to buy it or they'll say well we can make it equal.

At the end of the day I feel like we've wasted millions of dollars that could've been used to campaign for ENDA. On the other hand, ENDA just isn't as sexy as marriage and people aren't as passionate about it. They might not feel as inclined to donate to that cause. So I can only hope that the money spent on marriage campaigns has a residual effect on other issues.

In Maine on Tuesday there was the gay marriage vote and the medical marijuana vote. The gay marriage repeal passed 53-47. Medical marijuana passed 59-41. No on repeal gay marriage got 267574 votes, yes on medical marijuana got 330490. Medical marijuana got 63k votes (at least) from people who voted to repeal gay marriage.

The problem is not (just) the Fundies. It's the liberal-leaning mainstream too. They're split on the issue, and the conservative-leaning mainstream are not.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work."

Thats why the Founding Fathers of America, the Philosophers upon whose work they based the template of modern democracy and since then progressively every western democracy (Save Australia!!!) rejected the notion of Majoritanism, where the majority can do anything, and embraced the notion of Individual Rights that the majority should not be allowed to infringe.

Of course Judges don't learn philosophy, not even the philosophy upon which the law was founded. So they have built their interpretations on 'letter of the law' twistings and tunrnings in order to deny applying those rights equally or propoerly.

And the main populace does not get taught the philosophy either. They decide whats right and wrong, especially on voting issues, based on moral precepts that are often merely social mores or which are religious and thus counter to freedom of religion for others. All counter to the rights-based ethical principles that is suppossed to be the core of the American Way. The Religious Right is therefore at its core UnAmerican intrinsicly, though they falsely claim the opposite.

A return to an understanding of Enlightenemnt Principles as Core American Values will be needed. A reframing and reclaiming of Civil Rights as Patriotism. Using the argument of Religious Freedom to demand an end to theocracy in politics and accusing all religious politics as attempts by some religions to undermine religious liberty for others and impose specific versions of christianity over everyone.

If your going to win you must rob your enemy of it's strengths and use its own broken but effective arguments against it. Take back Patriotism. Take back Religious Liberty. Take back the rightful place of Equality, Human Rights, Enlightenment Values as the Core of American Values.

Take back the touch-stone push-button emotional language that works because rationally it was and should be on your side and not theirs!

"Gay Apartheid" is the new "Gay is the new black."

I agree that democracy doesn't work. To put it frankly, people are idiots. Not in the sense of being stupid, but people are selfish, easily manipulated, highly prone to hysteria and often clueless about what's best for themselves while thinking they know what's best for everyone else. I'd say, eliminate the referendum process and just let elected officials do the work of making laws. If people don't like the laws politicians make, then they can elect new politicians. If those laws violate the Constitution, then they can be struck down by the courts.

i have a suggestion: what might be required is a way to decouple same-sex marriages from the institution of religion.

what i mean is that the argument is constantly made that "they'll force us to perform gay weddings in our churches!", which seems to be effective.

a response would be something along the lines of "our law gives churches the freedom to perform any weddings they wish, and the freedom to refuse to perform any weddings they wish.

at the same time it allows anyone to be married down at city hall, because, when it comes to the law, government shouldn't be allowed to discriminate against any american."

this is not a complete solution, obviously, but it is an argument that i would like to see repeated over and over until it starts to stick.

Meanwhile, the transgender people of New York are still waiting at the station, where the LGB advocacy groups in 2002 left them, promising to return, to give them legal rights, after they were stripped out of the New York Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act. The New York LGB train, meanwhile, has long been gone, never to return, in pursuit of marriage, marriage, marriage, despite the efforts of a few lone activists who have a long memory but no clout.

Warning: disorganization ahead.

Demographics rule. We lost rural and older Maine. Despite the prevalence of the Mormon Catholic Church in urban areas, we won urban Maine.

Our great allies are urbanization, education, mobility, and the Grim Reaper. By education I mean general education. If the only place somebody learns anything every week is the little brown church in the vale, he's our enemy. If he's stuck on the farm and the exurban backwaters, he's our enemy.

States are useless geographical anachronisms that unfairly empower rural people over urban people.

The way we win long term and keep that victory is to re-urbanize America.

Medium term, do we try courts, federal laws, city ordinances or state laws? We try all of them. We say to our allies, why aren't you out too?

On Coming Out Day I called an old man on my block and in the conversation I said, "you know it's hard, like when you came out against segregation." I found out that even though he was a minister, he didn't come out against segregation! There are a lot of people out there who have gone along to get along and made peace within themselves with the evils of discrimination. We need to disturb that peace nonviolently but firmly. We need to confront and question the lies that comfort our opponents. This is a moral struggle, and the moral high ground is ours.

Marriage is an infinitesimal point for the straight members of our community. (Yes, I'm straight. :) ) It bothers me deeply to see millions of dollars poured into an ineffective campaign while trans people suffer crippling legal defeats and abject discrimination. Seriously, people.

It's gotten to the point that I honestly can't read another article on "ZOMGLOL1!11! Gay Marriage BIG DEAL must get it!" THe problem is that people are willing to ditch potentially unsavory parts of the LGBT community (like, say, those pervy trannies) to get their marriage loaf. Also, trans marriages have been anulled, denied, and generally spat upon because of "one man, one woman" legislation - an unforseen side effect of pushing for marriage legislation.

Look, I don't mean to be selfish, but I'm in this for my rights, Gay marriage is important, but it's not helping me one bit.

Demographics are one of the reasons we lose these votes on same sex marriage. But those demographics are created by the unending barrage of bigotry from churches and politicians, especially Obama, whose DoJ uses vile language and compares us to child molesters defending Democrat Bill Clintons DOMA and DADT. Bigots read and when they read that garbage from the Obama Administration they're emboldened to vote their bigotry.

As for using the term apartheid to describe our situation it has some merit. Apartheid, if it has any meaning at all, is the separation of groups of people who can then be superexploited economically. Apartheid is not at all unique to the Union of South Africa.

Although it changing a little, apartheid conditions remain in force in the northeastern corner of Ireland occupied by English colonists. There the Irish suffer from low paying jobs, police brutality and terrorist attacks by English colonists.

Palestinians face a much harsher form of apartheid, are paid starvation wages, are denied all social service by the zionists and are subjected to periodic bouts of ethnic cleansing by zionists to remind them of their 'place' in Eretz Yisreal.

Like many groups in the US, working class GLBT folks are separated by our sexuality and forced into lower paying jobs and subject to widespread violence by thugs in and out of police uniforms. The same can be said for working class African Americans, Latinos and Latinas and immigrant folks and women. Working class people in these groups suffer from the general attacks on the standard of living by politicians like Clinton, Bush and Obama and an extra dose of exploitation based on gender, sexuality, skin color or national origin.

On the other hand there are many people in those groups who are well to do and some who are quite rich. They tend towards right centrist politics gravitating towards the liberal Stonewall Democrats or the conservative Log Cabin Republicans. Alex is right, they think the idea of apartheid is silly. But they can afford to.

However you want to define it it's true that the class divide in US society produces different reactions to economic exploitation and super exploitation.

It's all just part of the class war unfolding in the US.

Sometimes we have to rise above our human nature that say that we're simply better than other people, or that we don't like outsiders, or that we don't want to share our money.
It's part of living in a civilization.

Great post, Alex!

I love the "half-a-loaf" reference, too! Interesting how the strategy is ignored when the shoe's on the other foot, isn't it?

Hey all not all religious organizations are against Marriage equity! The Universal Life Church has filed a lawsuit saying that "Not to be able to Marry same sex couples is a violation of our religious freedoms and first admendment rights!"
Check out the link below

http://blog.themonastery.org/

I would hope that the LBGT community will file a few briefs in support of this

http://www.themonastery.org/images/blog/Gay_Marriage_Pleading%2010-17-09%5B1%5D.pdf

Thanks Regina

Here in Australia a poll found about 60% in favour of same sex marriage and yet 85% in favour of a federal anti-discrimination protection that would be Gender Identity inclusive.

Same sex marriage still is the focus.

So both of these trends aren't just American.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work."

i like the Simpsons quote.

Let's put the decision of whether or not democracy works to a majority vote, though. That'd clear things up, wouldn't it?

Remember, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gangrape.