At heart I am a gamer girl - always have been - and I spend an inordinate amount of time studying the history of video games and pinball. I've been looking for an opportunity to write some dorky articles. I will be writing a more serious article on the history of LGBT in video games soon. A serious article is in the works. In the meantime, I figured today was a wonderful time to get silly.
This whole mess of a list is far from serious. As such, I must give fair warning that any serious, negative criticism will be answered by either LOLCats or Disapproving Rabbits, depending on my whims at the time. (I've already saved off a tiny collection for that very purpose.)
Feel free to add your own recommendations in the comments.
7. Katamari Damacy
This video says it all. Seriously. Between the King of the Cosmos's huge package and the rainbows, there can be no doubt.
Rez was a music game released for the Dreamcast - later re-released for the PS2 and Xbox Live - that touts itself as a music game. It's a piece of art, as far as I'm concerned; everything in the game corresponds to the music pounding out of the speakers. People may say it's not a gay game, seeing as its more about music and shooting weird little cyberspace baddies, but this one's insidious. Gay, in an underground kind of way.
It has thumping beats and danceable house music, which apparently all gay people like. The game's scenes are dark, and gay clubs are dark too, so that's kind of fruity. But what really pushes it over the top is the trance vibrator - literally a USB powered vibrator! - meant to "enhance the bass beats of the game." It even comes with a protective rubber sleeve to protect it from... um... harmful saliva that may accidently drip from rave lollipops. Yeah. That's the ticket.
5. Cho Aniki Zero
I was afraid that this strange shoot-em-up wasn't going to make it to America, thus ruining its chances for making this hallowed list. Then, as if the heavens had heard my prayers, I saw this announcement:
Cho Aniki Zero will be oiled up and ready to thrust its way onto your PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system!
Cho Aniki Zero brings manliness back to the old-school shoot-em-up genre and, warps it to another dimension of sights and sounds. In Cho Aniki Zero, players will be introduced to brand-new characters and newly heightened experiences of rhythmic action, intertwined with the famous BGM of Kouji Hayama. Battle through five man-rageous levels of brotherly love and muscle-on-muscle madness!
Cho Aniki is an example of the kuso-ge--or "shit game" - genre, a Japan-only concept where games are played for their "awesomely bad" qualities. In the game, players take on the role of phallically-designed, super-muscled men Samson and Adon, who fire white bullets from holes on top of their heads. No, I am not making this up. It's on the Wii now, and will be on the PlayStation Network soon.
4. Muscle March
Related to Cho Aniki both in its genre and the fact that it must be seen to be believed. It's still Japan-only, however, and there's a good chance that it won't make it to the US.
3. Tingle Balloon Fight
Okay, true story time. I keep a copy of the NES classic "Balloon Fight" on my cell phone's NES emulator. It's not really that gay. In reality, it's not much of anything save being a ripoff of the Williams classic Joust. However, adding this guy to the mix adds to the queer factor quite a bit:
It's Tingle, and frankly it's a toss-up between him and Navi ("Hey! Listen!") for "most annoying supporting character in Zelda history." For sake of sheer fruityness he takes a prime spot on this list. Anyone who has played a Zelda game with Tingle in it can breeze right through the "must-be-gay" checklist in a few seconds: he loves money, dresses like a fairy, is obsessed with balloons, and does all sorts of strange posing while he's at it. Definitely gay.
Oh, and this Club Nintendo exclusive also sports some of the best DS multiplayer I have ever had the pleasure of playing. Just saying.
2. Parappa the Rapper 2
I can always spot a truly devoted dork with seven words: "Kick, punch, it's all in the mind." It's campy, it's quirky, and most of all it can get a little gay. Take Chop Chop Master Onion's "Romantic Karate," for example. The video speaks for itself:
Seriously. "I wish I was a playa / I need a good lawyer" is the best rap line of all time. That little bear seems to be enjoying it as well.
1. Army of Two
Two mercenaries and best friends trade fistbumps and brawesome pleasantries. Bros before hos, taken to its logical conclusion. That is all.
As you can see, this list is far from inclusive (or relevant, really, but who is counting?) Any other suggestions?