Ed Team

Gays are the hottest accessory

Filed By Ed Team | January 12, 2010 7:30 AM | comments

Filed in: Quote of the Day
Tags: oprah, women

"Recent research shows that our social networks have a profound effect on our behaviors and attitudes--including how we perceive our appearance. "It's hard to feel good about your looks if you're surrounded by people who criticize their own," says Etcoff. "Spend time around people who are confident in their bodies, and you'll find yourself following suit." And if you don't already have a few gay men in your circle of friends, you might want to add some: A study published last year in the journal Body Image found that friendships with gay men can elevate women's body esteem."

--from Oprah's website's 11 Ways to Feel Beautiful


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I hate to weigh in because I've already been called chauvinist, gynophobe, misogynist, and castration-phobic on this blog, but this is precisely the line of thinking that has led me to have few straight female friends in my life. I have TONS of gay male friends, straight male friends and lesbians, but they don't see me as an accessory.

It sucks, and I wish it wasn't this way, but most of the straight women in my life HAVE seen me as an accessory--not all, but most. I am a human being, a man, a sensitive soul with a lot of complicated feelings and opinions. Sure I like to shop, cook, eat out and dance, but I like to talk politics, empower voters and get involved in my community. I'm also not a Ken doll--I date and have sex, and I'm not hiding any parts of my life. Its the fact I'm not a eunuch that has driven so many straight women looking for an accessory away.

There are other gay men out there happy being the cursory 'wind beneath my wings' unsung hero of countless self-centered straight womens' lives, but I'm not one of them. I'm the wind beneath my own damn wings! Get your own wind!

This happened recently, even. I started hanging out a lot with a straight woman I met at a party. I actually introduced her to thrifting, if you can believe that (someone was not doing their job!). We have an obsession with Madonna in common. She thought I was going to be her Ken doll. When she started to realize I have a VERY active political life, she got turned off. Now I barely hear from her. I was there to tell her she looked beautiful, help her pick out gorgeous second-hand outfits, give her advice and support her bad decisions on men and jobs, but she did not want to be there for my rights. This story has sadly repeated itself over and over in my life.

The straight women I have found that are interested in me as a whole person, I've held quite dear. One of the best straight women anyone could ever know is treasurer of the Oakland Co MI Democrats, Jenny Suidan. She's the biggest gay activist I've ever known--I wish I fought for my own rights as hard as she fights for them!

Like I said, though, in my life that's been few and far between.