Prince Gomolvilas

3D Porn: The Cutting Edge of Technology? Or the Decline of Western Civilization?

Filed By Prince Gomolvilas | February 15, 2010 3:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Media
Tags: Avatar, Ben Hoffman, Clash of the Titans, Current TV, Discovery Channel, ESPN, glitter, Her First Lesbian Sex, infoMania, International CES, James Cameron, Porn, Pornography, Sony, technology

Now that Avatar, James Cameron's 3D extravaganza, has grossed more money than, well, anything, studios are tripping over their dicks to jump on the 3D bandwagon. The upcoming 2D releases, Clash of the Titans and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, for example, are now getting the 3D treatment (I've always wanted to see Harry Potter's wand thrust out at me), and Sony is talking about converting some of its old movies into three glorious dimensions (Glitter in 3D, anyone?).

But 3D is also staging a home invasion. 3D televisions were the hottest items showcased last month at the geekfest, International CES, and ESPN and Discovery are launching 3D cable stations in 2011 (I've always wanted to see hockey players' sticks thrust out at me).

The porn industry, which isn't as recession-proof as we all thought, is now taking 3D technology very seriously.

A news report (with tongue planted firmly in cheek) on Current TV's infoMania went deep to highlight the revolution. Reporter Ben Hoffman snaked his way behind the scenes of Her First Lesbian Sex to find out more and went to Erotica LA, a porn convention, to find out what masturbators consumers thought stood out most about the 3D technology they got to sample ("titties and ass" - go figure). Here's the not-safe-for-work report:

Hustler recently announced an Avatar porn parody - This Ain't Avatar XXX - that will be released on DVD. No word yet on whether or not this movie will be in 3D, but, if it isn't, then the Hustler folks are idiots. I mean, you saw the news video, right? 3D technology is easy - you just attach two cameras together with, like, duct tape.

But, honestly, I myself am not completely sold on the idea of 3D porn. Does it mean that ass blemishes will pop off the screen and sear themselves onto my eyeballs? I pass.


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In all seriousness: My first thought, after my first Imax viewing in Chicago's Navy Pier (I think it was some science film) was, "What if we had 3-D porn in here?"

Think of it - giant blue penises floating towards you...

I have never been a fan of 3d other than what I see in games or over in Second Life etc. As long as you have to have the stupid glasses to watch it I wont be getting a 3d tv any time soon.3D in porn sure why not they seem these days to have the cuting edge in technology before the major studios get in on the act.

There is a reason why you dont see much porn shot in high-def. 3D porn could be... uhm... interesting, to say the least, but I'm wondering what would happen if they shot it all with motion capture technology and then used CG avatars of those long-dead porn stars we all still remember so fondly. Imagine seeing Al Parker... uhm... rise once more.

Truly, the future is in our hands... as it were.

I was just thinking: 3D technology is currently so expensive of an investment for the average consumer that you could actually use that money for REAL sex. F*ck 3D! Get hot gay Brazilian twins in my house now!

I don't know about 3D porn, I'd much rather have call of duty 3D, utilizing the 3D TV technology. But hey, each to their own.