Father Tony

Go Saints

Filed By Father Tony | February 04, 2010 10:30 AM | comments

Filed in: Living, Marriage Equality
Tags: bisexuality, football game

Hey FT,

I know you will tell me the truth even if I won't like it. Is it possible to be a part-time gay? I read all the gay stuff I can find so that's why I'm here. I'm a jock who likes the ladies but I can get off on gay guys who go for me. I love to play them and I admit I like what happens with them....but when it's over I go back to being straight and happy for months before I do it again. Weirdo, right? Go head. Gimme hell, coach.

In the End Zone

Dear ITEZ,

I've been storing your letter for Superbowl season, so I'm uncorking it now.

First of all, I love your letter because I know you to the core. I've met so many versions of you. I recognize your type the instant I see you. There's just something in your eyes. A yearning. A challenge. A flirt. Playful and dangerous. I am not sure if I am attracted to your type or just attracted to the sport of drawing you out, but I've had fun with your type more times than I can remember. The funny thing is how I always manage to turn the tables on you guys. So easy to turn you from dominant into submissive. For me it's just an idle diversion. For you, it seems to be something more.

OK. So what's it all about, Alfie? Are you wondering if you are really just an incomplete gay? Are you stuck on yourself and insatiable in your need for attention? Are you wondering if you are mentally healthy, or are you twisted and in need of counseling? Is your gay life an irresistible obsession for you, and one you wish you could shed? Do you feel guilty about having to keep it a secret from everyone else on your "team" or maybe in your marriage or family? Many will tell you that if this behavior pattern is not a problem for you, just own it and enjoy it. I'm guessing otherwise. I suspect you are worried about your sexuality. I suspect you are worried that it will "get out of control". Worried that it will overtake the "straight" you. Seeing yourself yet, ITEZ?

Look, here's the deal. If you are leading a double life you can't admit to, you got a problem. That is rather why I stopped working as a priest, which was really a very comfortable life, by the way. If you are married to a woman - and your type often is - you have a big problem if your wife does not know what you are up to. Keeping your gay side hidden from your life-partner sort of takes the haha-winkwink out of it, doesn't it?

I don't want to come down too hard on you. I think that people ought to be sexually fluid and that when our race grows up we will all be able to have sex without regard to categories and labels. Meanwhile, play by the rules: "offside" is not always an offense, but no cheating, and "safety" is always your best position.


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I wonder, sometimes, why people like this don't just come out as bisexual. It's almost as if they feel a need to dominate and hold power over gay people as inferior. Too bad they don't realize how perceptive gay people can be...

On a point of contention, I must disagree on a ideological level with your title. The correct cheer is "Go Colts," don'cha'know.

(Who has been cheering for Indy since she could talk.)

Some people can be sexually attracted to the same or opposite sex without being emotionally/romantically attracted to that sex. It sounds like that's what's happening here.

Discussions like this make me thankful that I am an un-conflicted Kinsey 6.

P.S. As a part-time Indy resident, I might cheer "Go Colts!" too if Tony Dungy weren't such an obvious and outspoken homophobe. He has made it very clear that he has little or no appreciation for the Colts fans who are (openly) GLBT.

Sounds like this guy should just have sex with a guy and see what all the huss-fuss if about. Sometimes it's better to know even if you don't think you're gay/straight/bi.

And I'm sure he can find a dude to indulge him in his experimentation.

This dude need to get over himself and get to know himself. I like the advice though, honesty and sincerity are characteristic of truth and truth really is what he needs to tend to. He needs to be truthful with himself and with anyone with which he becomes involved.

Kirk Lammert | February 5, 2010 2:01 AM

Sounds to me like the guy has had sex with other guys in the past ("I love to play them and I admit I like what happens with them.") and definitely sounds like he's bisexual, at least on physical attraction. I've always felt that gay/straight/bi has a lot more to do with who you romantically connect with than who you lust after.

Oh... and dom to sub... you kicked that one right through the goalposts, FT!