Baseball season has begun. Quite early this year, mind you, as the sun is out and the fields are dry. The coaches are all happy- the kids? not so much. For me it means practice schedules, cleats, and a lot of driving.
Zachary and Jeanine, who have been in Philly this week exploring the city, are coming back today. I'm going to have a big, giant BBQ for them. I can't wait to see Jeanine- it feels like forever.
And I can't wait for her to see the clean basement. She is wary, of course, that I threw away something beloved, like one of her old friends (her computers). I did not.
See, I've had a burst of energy in the last few days. I feel renewed, rejuvenated and ready to go again. It's been months since I've felt this way. I became very very clear on how I wanted to move forward with a part of life that has been in limbo for a while now.
Again, apologies for the vague references. I cannot go into detail.
Once I did? It was like someone gave me a shot of adrenaline. I started cleaning. The kids know to stay out of my way when I'm like this- Mom is on a roll, let her be. I cleaned up the garage, got the patio furniture out, and then hit the basement.
The basement was kinda scary like the sun is kinda warm. And it had come to symbolize for me, how stuck I was.
After that, taxes, and the work on my desk seemed like a piece of cake. I still have a lot of filing to do but the work is finished. I feel like a new person.
Being stuck is no fun. Part of it, I know, was my very real effort to stay in the moment, not make decisions, and have the feelings. I did. Maybe it was the sun, maybe it was an excellent session with my therapist, maybe... maybe it was just finally time.
In the meantime, with my clarity has come a eye-opening change in my son Ben. He is... a ... delight. I have so enjoyed spending time with him. Once he knew I would have his back, that I would protect him no matter what, that he came first- it was like a light switch was flicked and suddenly I had my boy back.
No, my young man. Being the best of who I know he is. Kind, sweet, funny...
Now, I don't want to give the sense that there are unicorns roaming about and hearts fluttering in the air, because he's still 14 and I'm still a mean, strict mother but it is not the war zone it had been for months.
Right now I'm high on a sense of calm. Oh, and clean. I do love clean.
And in a few minutes, I'm off to the baseball field. Honestly? I can't wait.