By having conversations with friends, family, [neighbors, strangers] and co-workers about equality we'll .... give our straight friends the opportunity to support us.

THIS makes a difference. A real difference.

This is so classic. Trying to turn what is a gay and lesbian issue into something that qualifies as LGBT.

Frankly, I find it at best unbelievable and at worst an outright lie that SSM is the foundation of anything other than decreasing political support for the far more urgent issues of homeless, poverty, and unemployment plaguing our community. Anyone, regardless of gender, knows that you don't worry about getting married until you have an income to support your family and a place to live.

You folks really just don't see beyond your own doorstep, but then, you never have.

Sorry, but I disagree. For the reasons I noted in my responses to Michael above, I beleive going for SSM now is not only ill-considered as a political strategy, but will hurt other, far more urgent efforts.

I believe SSM is a very worthwhile goal, just not at the expense of far more urgent and basic issues to a far greater number of people. It will likely take decades to repeal the SSM bans, while ENDA is on the table right now, with far more support, and relevant to the lives of a far greater number of LGBT's.

Funny how we're not hearing the cries for incrementalism now that's the gay elite's pet issue on the chopping block, isn't it?

Now to comment on the column itself...

I work for a small manufacturing plant here in lovely North Carolina, and there is not a soul in the place who doesnt know I'm gay. I dont wear a flashing neon sign, but I'm also not one to hide it when I had an especially good date the weekend before.

When I started there, more than a few people were shocked: they'd never encountered someone of "that persuasion" before, but I simply didnt give them time to be hostile about it. I pretty much barreled over any judgments they might have and made sure they understood that I really didnt give a damn what they thought. It was, for me, a non-issue because I made it a non-issue.

As the years passed, and they got to know me beyond the superficiality of the workplace, I could see their attitudes start to change -- incrementally, of course, but still: definite change. And I pretty much knew we'd turned a major corner when I came back from vacation up in Montreal, and the company GM, who is very faith-based and was deeply homophobic, asks me the day of my return, "So... meet any cute guys while you were there?" (I had, actually, but I figured I would share only the broad outlines with him... LOL)

I've been out like this for so long that my being gay is just no big deal anymore. If someone has an issue with it, it's their issue, not mine, and they have to deal with it, not me. If they choose to make it an issue, that's another story altogether, and I would be more than happy to show them how wrong a decision that might be. But it doesnt diminish the sense of personal pride I take in being a gay man.

So, in a long roundabout way: what did I do today to make me feel proud? I went to work. Over lunch, I compared notes with two of the salespeople about pictures of hot men they'd found on the internet (not that hot, but who understands heterosexual tastes?). My boss told me his wife is pregnant (again!) and followed it with "You know, I bet you could get a great cartoon out of that... something about your characters getting stuck with a baby or something..."

In other words, a day unremarkably like any other, but one where I felt comfortable to be just who and what I am. Who can ask for anything more?

Michael,

Yesterday, to set the stage, I and my partner drove to a provincial hospital that was a 100 KM round trip to see an HIV positive friend. He had been in Pattaya until his funds ran low and has been moved there at his request to have adequate oxygen to breathe, constant doctor supervision, every other day chest X-rays and the specific IV drips required twice daily to cure his pneumonia over the next three weeks. His costs have dropped from $1,500.00 per day to $180.00. He will then need months to recoup at his home before he can return to Florida where he has full insurance.

Now, we spent the day with him and brought his partner, who is Thai, and another dear friend to see him. They have no transportation otherwise. As bus service is infrequent the Thai man would have been unable to come to see him and keep his job. The room has fans, but no air conditioning. Someone went to the store to get extra pillows and a thick "bedpad" to relieve his back pain from the hard mattress. I gave him a shampoo, while he held his oxygen mask in place, using the "two bowl" method. We see him again in two days. His attitude in his spare room, shared with three others who cannot speak English, is strong. The three Thai men with him all have breathing issues. I am bringing him a radio with earbuds, more magazines and a fresh group of stories to make him laugh. He will survive! He is 40 years old, his name is Matthew, and I hope positive thoughts go his way through this ordeal.

Whatever we do to relieve and help our brothers and sisters...if we can do it with humility rather than "pride" I do believe we will have finally matured as a movement. Those of us with longer memories remember where we were once rather than where we are now.

We used to call that "consciousness raising." You cannot have pride without it. No beer floats, glitter, displays of kink, or bar drink "pride" specials required.

What have I done to day that made me proud? Caviar d'aubergine avec des pâtes, that's what.