Recently my partner and I, after being together 5 years, playing with a third once in a while started playing separately this weekend while at our camp. I've talked it over with him the next day telling him how I was feeling about what all happened. He seems OK with what each of us did. As he put it "it's only sex," what matters is that we came home to each other.
I'm feeling pretty bad that I had sex with someone else. Is this a feeling I should be having or should I be looking at the situation with the same open mind he is? Maybe I'm just being jealous. I'm not sure - any thoughts you have would be greatly helpful.
Thank you for your time,
Michael Is Lost In The Woods
You are looking at your partner's "open mind" and wondering if you ought to adopt his approach to playful sex.
There are some open minds that, like a real estate agent's "open house," welcome all comers, with the tally on the sign-in sheet just as important as the quality of the visitors. There are some open minds that are like open books, publishing rather than guarding the private and sacred centers of their relationships with their partners. And sometimes, an open mind can end up being an open Pandora's Box out of which fly not just the Furies but the goodness in your partnership.
I don't think you should feel guilty. I do think you should feel cautious. Like Hansel and Gretel drawn into the forest, you and your partner are in some danger. Stay alert and holding hands. Legion are the witches in those woods who will try to split you up and devour you after offering you their candy. Also, in at least one of the versions of the H & G story, they follow a trail of pebbles glowing in moonlight in order to escape the forest. I suggest the substitution of a trail of these.
Seriously, only a fool would urge you to keep your relationship open or closed. Here on Bilerico, you'll find contributors and readers whose various opinions on the matter cover the full range of possibility from "never" through "sometimes" to "go for it." My suggestion is to proceed with care and know that the instant either of you tells a single lie about this to the other, you'll feel the bite of the wicked witch, and you may never get back the part of you she eats.