Bil Browning

Eddie Long accuser speaks out

Filed By Bil Browning | September 29, 2010 10:30 AM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: Eddie Long, Jamal Parris, suicide note

Jamal Parris, one of the four men accusing homophobic minister Bishop Eddie Long of sexual coercion, spoke to FOX News about his painful past with the reverend. You can hear the pain in Parris' heart as he speaks.

After the jump is a letter that Parris wrote to Long shortly after attempting to commit suicide over the constant harassment and predatory and abusive relationship. It will break your heart.

"Do you remember the time that you used to be able to look at yourself, know and like the person you saw looking back. I cant say that i do. I can honestly say that life has been hard, i have wanted to quit many many times and tried to quit by terminating my membership here on earth.

But i am still here. Through the trials i am here. you have hurt me. I am not DEAD. i am still standing, tears in my eyes, years of hurt in my heart, feet on the ground. i am here. all i ever did was love you and want you to love me. you lied and deceived me. Why. does it matter do you even know.

I lost a life because of you. the sad part is it is the life you gave. i gave up so much, of myself and what i valued most. for you.

Whether someone tells you about this note or not, God knows it and sees my heart. I will no longer allow you and your actions to stop me from living.

I will not allow you to take anymore from what you have taken. and if you dont know let me tell you: my joy and peace, my innocence, you murdered that genuine person that was inside of me, the person that god made me. you took away hope, and you almost caused me to take my own soul. what kind of person are you.

You are not a human, you are a monster, you have made me one to those who care and cared about me and now i see the world like I see you, evil, corrupted and full of lies. i dont need you to hurt or love me anymore i can do that by myself for free, no price and no string attached."


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IMO Mr. Parris' comment can be summarized as:

I had sex with a powerful, rich guy to get things I wanted. After we broke up I decided to wreak his life and insult him due to his rejection removing my access to his goodies.

While I am not thrilled at Bishop Eddie Long's homophobia from the pulpit I do not enjoy seeing anyone face a shakedown from disgruntled CONSENTUAL ex-lovers.

Are you serious? According to the allegations, Eddie Long took advantage of a naive teenage kid and displayed all the classic behavior of a sexual predator. This guy wouldn't have tried to commit suicide if he was just some gold digger.

One of the more difficult words for some people to understand is "responsibility." Most of us learn the meaning of this word via the school of hard knocks. Jamal Parris can join hundreds of millions of people in learning from a bad relationship that he is responsible for his sexual behavior. Or not - he can become a professional victim.

Keep in mind that we have a lot of laws to control sexual predators. If Eddie Long has violated a law by all means let us throw the book at him. However, my guess is he is simply a creep. I feel it would be best if other young men learned to avoid him rather than see him as a potential paycheck.

Nerissa, you're forgetting that these guys were seduced when they were minors, not as adults.

Not only were they minors, but even though they were of consenting age, Bishop Long was in a position of authority over them as the leader of the youth group to which they belonged. There's a reason why leading religious groups for unsuspecting young adolescents is a favorite occupation of sexual predators -- being a "spiritual leader" makes it a lot easier to manipulate an innocent youngster into sexual activity.

I'm fascinated by your blame-the-victim perspective on this. I thought that was only something the anti-gay, right-wing types subscribed to, but I guess I was wrong.

Thanks for calling out the victim blaming bullshit rape apologism here. If someone can't say no, they can't say yes. Also, the absense of screaming 'no' doesn't equal consent either.

Nerissa, do you know how often shit like this is thrown at molestation victims? I once opened up to someone about a relative molesting me when I was six fucking years old and they asked the 'did you tell him to stop' question. Really? I was six. Also, once I was old enough to actually know the words and understand on anything other than an emotional level what he had done to me, I still couldn't tell because this man controled my family's ability to survive. When a person has that level of power over you, you are trapped. A seventeen year old who has nowhere else to go, whose family relies on this person for survival, who can't even rely on community connections because going against this man means loosing them, hasn't given their consent just because they don't have enough power to resist. What Parris describes isn't an abnormal situation for child rapists, who routinely exploit those they know have no power to refuse or to report, and thes aren't uncommon feelings. I'm going to link to Don Lemon's discussing how these stories mirror how he was abused as well http://feministing.com/2010/09/27/cnns-don-lemon-does-courageous-reporting-on-male-sexual-abuse/ (the relevant part starts around 5:10). People like Parris courageously calling out their abusers helps not only the other victims that do report, but those of us who never did. The girl who reported my abuser saved my life, because her bravery let me start actually dealing with the shit he had done to me. But even though I know that I was a child, that I wasn't responsible, that I was not in a position where I could have reported him, that I would never blame any child for going through that, I think I may always live with that brutal, crushing guilt that says in the back of my mind that I was at fault. This victim blaming of abuse victims is cruel, it is evil, it hurts us, and it kills us. We shouldn't have to sit and listen to people try to justify the actions of rapists and child abusers over and over. Fuck you.

Nerissa, not only were these guys seduced, but we have yet another religious figure preaching against homosexuality when he's on the down-low.

Paige Listerud | September 29, 2010 6:51 PM

Long went after underage youth without fathers, longing for attention, support, and a role model. He manipulated them into sex and took no responsibility for it. He still takes no responsibility for his actions--blaming his accusers as part of a conspiracy to take him down.

He's a classic predator. The young men who are coming out against him now are all heroes and they should receive the same support given to them by the LGBTQ community that Jovanni Roman received when he outed Dr. George Rikers. Let the whole world see the truth.

Regan DuCasse | September 29, 2010 7:52 PM

Nerissa...

Predatory men have a pattern and profile. So do THEIR VICTIMS. Especially alpha males who are rich and influential.
Ephebophiles, in this case, CHOOSE the kinds of victims with no fathers in attendance, poor families and who have little to resist such ministrations.
I was having this conversation with a colleague yesterday, who somewhat had your attitude, but wasn't privy to this clip. I wish I could go back and show here how to view it.

I already mentioned in our conversation what DO these young men have to gain?
What's in it for them? Most victims of rich and powerful men get NOTHING.
Ted Haggard was an exception, but look at how the Catholic Church played CYA with young lives!

Even my colleague yesterday admitted that the hypocrisy deserved scrutiny in court. Fair enough.

But YOU have already decided the case. You've already told us, that it's the accusers who are guiltier than Eddie Long.

Of what? Of being so attended to? So cared for when they needed it the most? Getting such one on one with a man who has THOUSANDS of people wanting the same thing?

I had no father from the age of 15. Mine had died. But for a lot of these kids, their fathers ABANDONED them. That carries a completely different dynamic for a teen boy.

This is the case of a powerful male who used his office in a hypocritical way.
Long HAS engaged in damaging anti gay socio/political action.
Even if for no monetary gain for his victims, Long deserves to go down for his hypocrisy.

Rose Matthews | September 30, 2010 2:59 AM

"informed consent" is a term I heard once. Explanation - saying 'yes' because you are too scared to say 'no' is not consent.

I once heard a defense lawyer try to accuse a 5 year old of provocation. The judge near broke his gavel banging out a NO.

Pour nous,la vie est gaie. Pour ce faux bishop sera l'enfer bien merite.