Don Davis

On Living With Idiots, Or, An Open Letter To Islam

Filed By Don Davis | September 09, 2010 8:30 AM | comments

Filed in: Politics
Tags: America, civil rights, Islam

Dear Islam, Islam-is-of-The-Devil-Front-Cover_0.jpgYou know, it seems like every time I write a letter I have to begin by apologizing for not having written in so long, and that's the case again today. We only get a few days of real summer up here every year, and I was out having fun at golf tournaments and doing a bit of climbing around the local hills--and you know, I do love doing a bit of nothing at all from time to time--but while I was away, things have gotten even crazier than usual around here...and I'm sorry to say, you've been on the pointy end of the crazy stick, which is something that never should have happened. Things have been so nutty that you're probably thinking America has something against Islam--in fact, you might be wondering if we have something against our own Constitution. Well, we don't, most of us, and I'll take a few minutes today to help y'all understand just what is going on in this country.
So you're going to be hearing a lot about this disturbed guy in Florida who thinks that he can save the world by burning Qu'rans on September 11th--and you're going to be asking yourselves: "Why would America allow anyone to do that?" Well, the answer's kind of paradoxical, and it has everything to do with the same Constitution that protects freedom of religion in the first place. You see, it also protects the concept of freedom of speech, which, in itself, probably requires a bit of an explanation. Freedom of speech, as you can imagine, isn't absolutely free (for example, there is the famous "yelling fire in a crowded room" example), but to a far greater extent than you might think, we really are able to say things that would shock most of you not living here. At the moment, just to illustrate the point, we have all kinds of people suggesting the President is taking the country in the wrong direction, or a secret Muslim (as if that were somehow bad) or even that he's some sort of weird mixture of Stalin and Hitler and Satan Himself who was born in Kenya, and every one of them is free to stand on any street corner and hold a sign proclaiming exactly that, just as much as they want. Matter of fact, those are the same people that are mad at you, Islam, for the moment, even if they know nothing about Islam. That brings me right to the next thing I need to tell you. The only reason a lot of Americans are mad at you is because there's an election on, and the only way Republicans can win elections is to try to scare Americans into thinking that the United States will instantly collapse from whatever useful threat they think up--unless enough of us vote Republican. Now in normal times, Islam, Republicans would be trying to scare us about gay people trying to eat our babies, or something equally stupid, but that hasn't been working as well as it used to lately--and what they would really like to say this election cycle, they can't "Those Jesus-hating liberals elected a ni**er and now they're gonna impregnate your daughters and gay marry your sons!" and that leaves you, Islam, as the next most desirable overt target for Republican fear-spreading professionals. (You and, of course, those "illegal aliens" who are busily beheading people in the Arizona desert every night.) Now there is no doubt that a portion of our population is entirely ready to jump on this bandwagon with no encouragement at all, and that's where we get the fools who think having a Qu'ran BBQ party somehow makes some kind of sense. My guess is that about 20% of us are that stupid--and based on our current population, that means about 60,000,000 fools are bumping and stumbling their way across the American landscape on any given day, struggling, as Aimee Mann says, "with the undertaking of simple thought." Apparently because it's just hanging there, many of them sort of slide down and congregate in Florida, and sure enough, a few of them did gather together in that particular State to form into the human blood clot that planned this little 9/11 protest, and that's how we got to where we are today. Now I'm sorry that we can't just bring this to a stop, but we do allow idiots to say their piece in this country, whether it's a good idea or not. So they do, even if the Government and the Not Blindingly Stupid don't like it. All I can really tell you by way of consolation is that as soon as Election Day is past, much of this will come to an end--unless it works so well that Republicans keep it up for a few more election cycles, until it fails to work any more. Anyway, Islam, try not to let it upset you too much, try to keep in mind that this is really about American electoral politics and the desperate need to create fear (which is all the Republicans have left), and most importantly, try to keep in mind that if good old-fashioned American racial segregation was back in style then no one would even be talking about you--instead, the same people that are on your back today would all be doing their best Dr. Laura impressions 60 or 70 times a day, and they'd go right back to assuming Muslims and Hindus and Sikhs are all the same people, just like they did in happier times. So that's what's been up around here, and I hope to hear from you soon as well--and of course, if you're in the neighborhood sometime, drop me a note and we'll go grab a coffee and laugh as the fools walk by. Your friend, Don

Recent Entries Filed under Politics:

Leave a comment

We want to know your opinion on this issue! While arguing about an opinion or idea is encouraged, personal attacks will not be tolerated. Please be respectful of others.

The editorial team will delete a comment that is off-topic, abusive, exceptionally incoherent, includes a slur or is soliciting and/or advertising. Repeated violations of the policy will result in revocation of your user account. Please keep in mind that this is our online home; ill-mannered house guests will be shown the door.


want a really good laugh?

click on the "golf tournament" link and you'll see me not winning the 2010 us senior open.

good times.

I hope the people at the bonfire make certain they are burning what they want to burn by reading the books before committing them to flames.

hey, you know what?

i'd settle for them having a quick read of their bibles first, and then trying (which i know is hard) to apply a bit of thought to this problem.

Thanks for this, Don. I feel like I'm living in crazynation anymore!

if you really want to feel better, check out the aimee mann song from which the quote was taken, which you can see right here being performed in sheffield.

Can other people be signatory to this?

you are absolutely welcome to associate yourself with this, and if you want to pass this along to friends...and otherwise...please feel free as well.

... and what they would really like to say this election cycle, they can’t[:] “Those Jesus-hating liberals elected a ni**er and now they’re gonna impregnate your daughters and gay-marry your sons!”

You got the first part of the message right, Don, but we need to hear the rest: "... and we are going to take America back, because regardless of demographic facts, true Americans can only be white and conservative Christian, and they only must be allowed to run the show."

The first part of the message re-introduces the Christian Taliban, and the second institutes the New American Apartheid.

But, yeah ... I know ... I need to lighten up a bit.

i think you'd need to lighten up more if you weren't so exactly correct as to what's going on here.

Freedom of speech is great, but we need to be speaking out louder and smarter. If someone's caught in the rightwing media machine, they have a warped view of reality but can be saved.

We just have to reach them. I suggest a strategy like those Christian comic books.

i like the comic book idea--as well as using comedy to shut this down.

nothing killed sarah palin's electoral chances better than five minutes of tina fey, and that's a powerful weapon in the right hands.

These religious idiots are the same people who railed against Hanoi Jane. What hypocrites.

i just saw video of jane at 72--and apparently, living well is the best revenge.

What a brilliant piece of writing! Let's put it on the front page of every newspaper in the country. The zealots cannot win this time. Terry Jones, Wayne Sapp, Pat Robertson and Rick Warren need to just GO AWAY!

i can't thank you enough...but to be fair, i get edited here, so don't forget to tip a hat to the "ed team", too.

this is the kind of issue that is particularly tough, because you have to defend and condemn the same dummy, both at the same time--and that's what makes this a very cool country, which i hope our most conservative friends will keep in mind as time goes on.

This piece started out with such promise.

Then it slid downhill into a partison diatribe.
A shame. And more idiocy.

Winter BelViso | September 10, 2010 10:50 AM

If it weren't true, perhaps it would be an even greater shame and idiotic. Please note that it is only the Republican Party lowering itself, not the Dems. The Dems are, for the most part, cowering in FEAR and not doing much to lift the burden from their constituents.

i think i would have to agree with this comment, in its entirety.

i know it does sound a bit partisan...but then again, i don't recall democrats driving the prop 8 debate, and i don't recall the democrats in arizona pushing s.b. 1070, and i don't recall democratic senators flip-flopping on dadt (i'm looking at you, mcccain)--and i'm pretty sure most of the people attending that church service/festival of stupid/book burning on saturday aren't "likely democratic" voters, either.

now, to be fair, many of the local people who are interested in seeing that mosque moved might be democrats, but even there, i see more "peter king voters" giving tv interviews than i do "al sharpton" voters...or even "bloomberg voters", for that matter.

Another Bilerico poster lamented why critical thinking was in jeopardy. Why does being gay mean that I need to have an automatic knee-jerk reaction against anything and everything Christian?

I live amongst the highest concentration of Muslims in the U.S. They frighten me far more than the Christian Right. It's one thing to be told I'm hell-bound, but it's something entirely different to be told that I should be dead.

Why can't we demand the same things from Islam that we do from the Christian Right? Hate is hate, and we need to condemn it everywhere it is found.

i can't imagine why anyone would want to have a knee-jerk reaction against anything and anyone christian, and i hope that we all realize that just as there is great evil to be found in the bible, there is also great good.

and you're right: we should try, every day, to encourage those who follow islam, christianity, anything else, or nothing at all to forsake hate, whenever we find it being promoted.

but let's just take a step back and reconsider who actually wants you dead: the christian right is just as willing to see you dead as the most radical of islamists, and if you don't believe me, have a look here, here, here, and here.

Another Bilerico poster lamented why critical thinking was in jeopardy. Why does being gay mean that I need to have an automatic knee-jerk reaction against anything and everything Christian?

I live amongst the highest concentration of Muslims in the U.S. They frighten me far more than the Christian Right. It's one thing to be told I'm hell-bound, but it's something entirely different to be told that I should be dead.

Why can't we demand the same things from Islam that we do from the Christian Right? Hate is hate, and we need to condemn it everywhere it is found.