Editors' Note: Guest blogger Zack Rosen is a Leo who is losing his hair. He blogs at The New Gay.
Hey, did you hear that Lady Gaga appeared at the VMA’s with discharged gay soldiers to make a statement about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell? That’s awesome. But she was wearing that meat dress. Eww. But “Alejandro” was a good song with a nicely queer video. But its basically a retread of “Don’t Turn Around,” and Madonna’s been making videos like that since Gaga was still Stefani Germanotto. But Lady Gaga did curry my favor by making a bold gay rights statement at last year’s Equality March. But then she advocated celibacy for women, equating sex with dependence. But she says she’s bi, so that’s something right? But Just Dance is essentially an paean to being molested while drunk on a dance floor. But…
And so it goes.
I think of Lady Gaga and HRC in very similar respects. Both are titans of contemporary queer life, but both have very little do do with my actual existance. Still, the queer blogs won’t stop covering them, they won’t stop being power players and it doesn’t do me very much good to pretend they don’t exist.
And I’ll say that Lady Gaga makes some fucking catchy pop music. I won’t put it on to ease me through a breakup, and I don’t think there is much subtext to any of it (unless you count “love love love” as subtext) but I’ve spent literally all summer with “Alejandro” in my head and I don’t mind it. That’s not even to mention the effect that “Bad Romance” will have on any dance floor, anywhere. Its basically a universal solvent when it comes to making people move.
So that’s how I feel about her music. Keep it going, girl! Write your next album. Masturbate with a cross on the White House lawn. Put a piano in a sandbox filled with coke and write a song called “Pets (that died to make my wardrobe) Sounds.” You’ve certainly got people’s attention.
So Lady Gaga, this post isn’t for you. It’s for the rest of the gay universe that’s put you at their center. Has it ever occurred to blogs like Queerty that a lot of us really, really are sick of reading about you? I’m sure you love the publicity, and I know that the mere mention of your gossamer frame drives traffic up like Mark Foley’s dick at a daycare center. But the job of the media shouldn’t just be to parrot back whatever is hot and superficial at any given moment. It’s really gotten to the point that Lady Gaga wiping her ass back to front is national news. Lady Gaga looks the wrong way at the Catholic Church and people stop the presses. She goes to Easter Dinner wearing the actual shroud of turin as a tampon and little crippled boys in wool caps shout “extree, extree, barf all about it.”
When even Camille Paglia weighs in, you know things have gone too far. What’s next, Judith Butler giving a treatise on Susan Boyle? Naomi Wolf appearing on Glee? I always enjoy when ivory tower academics recognize the import of pop culture, but I honestly cannot read any more posts about Lady Gaga. The irony of even writing this on TNG is making my spleen hurt, and I bought a hair shirt to wear for the next week as a consequence.
The best I can hope is that my words signal the herald of the inevitable backlash. God, how I’d love that. Unless it leads to a billion more articles about Lady Gaga’s falling star, which will just set the stage for her inevitable “comeback” whenever she’s doing paying the penance for initial success.
But I wanna get back to the gay blogs for a minute. To paraphrase an old chestnut: Lady Gaga isn’t a gay issue. She’s a human rights issue. Everyone can be annoyed by her equally. The endless breathless coverage is starting to make me feel like I’m less of a fag for not caring. I hate being told who to worship because, really, at the end of the day I’m not letting Lady Gaga define me.
So for all the queer media outlets that do, I have to ask: What’s wrong with you? It’s a big queer world out there. Lets start hearing about more of it.