My stomach hurts. I can't sleep at night. I'm having a hard time concentrating, and I've been described as "grouchy" by my partner. It is election time and with just a few days left before the Republicans could take over Congress and a majority of state's Governor's offices and legislatures I'm left feeling sick.
This is a far different kind of sick than I felt last year at this time, just days before Washington State voter's were going to decide whether my partner and I could be treated equally under state law with through domestic partnerships. At that point I felt sick, but I also felt like there was something I could do about it. In fact I poured my heart into that election volunteering nearly 60 hours a week as the social media director for the Approve Referendum 71 campaign. I had hope that the people would do the right thing, and they did. It was the first time in national history that voters at the state level approved an expansion of rights for gay and lesbian families.
The polls don't look like we will be celebrating this year, but that's not what makes me feel so sick.
I'm feeling sick because I've been watching the political situation in the country degrade for the last year. As Republicans filibustered nearly every bill in the Senate including a repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, the Democrats took the blame.
The minority party managed to hijack the debate on health care, leaving voters with a bill that left a vast majority of Americans wanting more.
Republicans managed to block everything Americans "hoped" for when they elected President Obama.
Their obstructionism was a brilliant political strategy. Had Republicans compromised one bit, Democrats would have had something to take back to voters this election. Had Republicans compromised on everything any reasonable person understands is necessary for a functional, and dare I dream, a successful country, Democrats would have swept this election.
Instead it seems, America is poised to vote for the same obstructionist party that should be punished for hurting our country. Their reward will be the power to redistrict throughout the country, making it even more difficult to remove them from power.
So perhaps this is why I feel so sick. We were so close to our equality. We had two years of super majorities in the House and Senate, a self described ally President in the White House, states throughout the country moving closer to equality - and the Republicans may be on the Eve of a power grab that will set us back a decade.
As I turn in tonight I will try not to let the seriousness of this election prevent my sleep. It will be difficult. How could the simplest dream, to be treated equally in my country, remain out of reach?