Bil Browning

Comment of the Week: Tomasz of Lod

Filed By Bil Browning | November 21, 2010 7:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Site News
Tags: Tomasz of Lod, transgender suicide, transgender violence

Left on Jill's post, "Do you know a trans person murdered because of their gender identity?" I'd encourage commentofweek1.pngeveryone to leave a comment to memorialize friends and family in the thread.

I'm afraid . . .

The skill of my hands, or is it the skill of my heart, has proved insufficient to simultaneously tear down one wall so carefully and furtively built after . . . what is it now, three decades . . . to build yet another. The life I build is subject to forces over which even the most carefully crafted artifice has no enduring power. What I am bears little resemblance to what society is prepared to accept much less to indulge. Were they able to do so would preclude the routine and casual disparagement that they, as petty creatures, routinely indulge in and we routinely endure to assuage our souls against the degree to which each of us is so uniquely and terribly alone?

Like Mary Shelley's "monster," will I wander ever northward to that intractable wasteland at the end to be found alone, broken and weeping over the vestige of that which created me, afraid of how fall I've fallen and how far I've yet to fall.


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Shawna Gillick, Professor, UCLA-Suicide

Sometimes it does not get better . . .

Sometimes the only lesson one can glean is that the hope for a better day is in the stubborn march to meet it . . . never sure if we'll find it when, or indeed if, we should arrive.

As the nation begins to seriously invest its time in the much needed national conversation around LGBTQ bullying it's ironic to note that my children respond to the potential of being bullied by holding me rather beyond arm's reach. In so doing they arein effect saying to me:

Dad, we're ashamed of you, we're ashamed you're trans. We're sad to know that you changed what we knew of you and became something that we don't understand and aren't sure we wish to know. Notwithstanding, "he" was angry and distant . . . and sad.

Silence . . . and still more secrets. Secrets upon secrets wriggling like a newborn nest of adders.

Now, because I love my children with all my heart I DO respect both their wishes and their space by allowing myself to be held at beyond arm's length. It's a terribly painful and alienating place to be sure but I'd be heartbroken to find that my children were being tormented on my account; over the fact that their parent is transgender. I do know how cruel children can be but I cannot help but note that such cruelty does not erupt in a vacuum as maggots to flies born of spontaneous generation. I also know how cruel these children become when they carry these unexamined and unchallanged lessons into adulthood.

I respect the past. However, to be honest about it is to know for a certainty that we don't make history . . . we are free only to acknowledge that we are each indelibly made by it.

I am Tomasz The Golem of Lodz

GAY IS GOOD ! That includes transgender, Lesbian, bi-sexual and Questioning individuals. And regardless of what the T-publicans say "GOD loves you" without reservation, just as you are. BELIEVE IT.
If your friends don't agree with those 2 statements, you need to find new friends and new companions. You can visit any M.C.C. church or Unitarian church for help. -or- call the national GLBT Hot Line at 888-843-4564 to help find a resource. Spanish and Portuguese: 305-646-3600

DONT G FACE IT ALL ALONE . gay IS good