I'm at my locker, powdering my feet and cursing the gym for not having a blow dryer, when I notice a forty-something hottie undressing for his workout. He peels off his Calvins and reveals... a red jockstrap. Now let's be honest. Jocks are a playful, sexy costume, like wearing a harness to a leather bar.
I mean, really. The man dons a jockstrap for 20 minutes on a stairmaster. What in the name of Richard Simmons is he protecting in there?
Sports bras make sense. They have a functional purpose. But somebody explain to me what a jockstrap accomplishes that my tighty whities can not.
Resentment may play a role in this. I have a flat ass. When I put on a jock the straps just kind of hang there. Rather than being stretched around melons, they flutter from the slightest breeze and suffer from an existential crisis of purpose.
(After the jump may be NSFW)
Yes, jockstraps are sexy. I came of age during what is now "vintage" gay porn, and I can't see a jockstrap without remembering Jon King (no relation, maddeningly) or Jeff Stryker rocking one on the dusty cover of an old videotape.
The jockstrap has been around longer than you might imagine. The word derives from "jockey strap," because the first were designed to protect the genitalia of bicycle riders (seats have been modified and improved since). The first manufactured in America was the Bike Jockey Strap. The term "jock" is itself derived from jockey strap.
The jockstrap shouldn't be confused with a protective cup, which is separate device used by athletes and therefore utterly foreign to me. I always imagined it as a kind of steel-plated chastity belt contraption, but while researching this post I've seen pictures, and can now tell you a cup looks like a miniature version of Jason's hockey mask from the teen slasher Halloween.
My knowledge of the topic is now exhausted, except to say that I would prefer the majority of men sporting jockstraps at the gym to consider Hanes boxer briefs. They're trampling on my fond recollections of Jon King, and some things are simply not to be trifled with.