Alex Blaze

Church Threatens to Deny Communion to Gay-Supportive Mother

Filed By Alex Blaze | February 04, 2011 12:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: boo, evangelical Christian, nerdy apple bottom, scooby doo

Remember the mom who defended her son's right to dress as Daphne from Scooby-Doo last November? Turns out her pastor got mad and had several meetings with her:

daphne.jpgFor an hour and a half he spoke to me as if this was my fault, that I had misconstrued what was said that morning in front of my son, that I "had taken offense where none was intended." I told him that the comments those mothers made that morning were judgmental and offensive. He continued to accuse me of libel and slander, told me I didn't have a "free ride to talk about others," and that I needed to apologize and reconcile.

I was offered 4 steps to restore my relationships with Moms ABC:

  1. Write Moms ABC an apology with an example of how to word it.
  2. Take down the Halloween post.
  3. No longer write or speak of these women regarding my "accusations."
  4. Consider taking the entire blog down.

When I asked what happens if I couldn't do those things I was handed a final page that had already been prepared regarding my unwillingness to repent and what the ramifications of that would be. My punishment was to be disallowed from receiving Communion, and if I were to continue to not seek forgiveness, I may be removed from the congregation and not be able to transfer to another church in our denomination in good standing (which feels like the harshest punishment a modern-day pastor can dole out.). It felt like an ultimatum. I pointed out the hypocrisy of the entire conversation, mentioned that Boo had been forgotten in all of this, said the meeting was over, and walked out.

I'm guessing the blog is not going down.

She didn't disclose even the denomination of the church she's in, so we don't really know how much authority the pastor has in unilaterally denying her communion. Something tells me that even if he gets over-ridden by a higher-up, things won't be all that comfortable at the church anymore.

I can imagine a lot of conversations about the liberal media seeking victims and letting kids do whatever they want, blah blah blah, and it ending up with a lot of anger directed at this woman. Still, it shouldn't result in these folks threatening to deny communion, a spiritual punishment, as a result of this woman's political actions. Some people might get the idea that this church is more concerned with political power and ego than the well-being of its parishioners.

Either way, Boo's lucky to have a mother like her.


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Brad Bailey | February 4, 2011 1:43 PM

I can assure you that the last two letters of "ABC" stand for "Baptist Church."

I was wondering if that was the church's name or the name of her club, but i checked again and it does sound like the church's name. Good point.

isn't that how she referred to the other mothers? Mom A Mom B and Mom C? the ones who commented on her so i the original post?

CatherineCC | February 4, 2011 1:46 PM

Typical... god bless america

So much for turn the other cheek. She should find a real church, one that accepts her, and her son, for who they are. Whatever one she's going to now will not play out well for either of them in the future.

Churches are evil, money-making schemes that prey on people's weakness and uncertainty. All the dogma is nonsense to me, but I do recognize that there are many people who seem to be so insecure in life that they need someone to tell them what to think and do. Those people are such easy targets for the likes of Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell and so many hundreds of thousands or millions have been victimized. Sorry....when organized religion flexes its muscle, I go on a rant!

hylie random | February 5, 2011 3:10 PM

Hmm...all this drama and rejection because a small boy wanted to wear a dress...

But gender rules are important, right?

I would advise Daphne's mom to change churches to one that actually follows Christ's words and not a preacher's personal prejudices, and tell the pastor of the old one to perform an anatomically impossible act upon himself.

I've been thinking a great deal about the difference between authority and power as the situation in Egypt explodes. Authority, (I've been reading) comes from the mutual consent of everyone involved and power comes from the barrel of a gun. Meanwhile, in this church case, as his authority begins to slip away, the preacher falls into the dim response of using his power. It isn't coming from the barrel of a gun, clearly, but are his threats really that much different?

Gender rules, especially for boys, are cast in concrete and very strictly enforced. By everyone, right down to the other kids on the playground. Being born male gives you a very narrow path to follow, very strictly enforced by a patriarchal society. This boy is very fortunate to have a strong mother willing to take on everyone for his happiness.

There is no mention of her son in any other way, than her obviously responding on being accused of gaying-up her son!
She does straight away continues that he might well not be. No mention of any gender non-conforming behaviour!

This kid was just playing, and exploring the world and unfortunately in that has already clearly seen the bigoted intolerance shown by so many people...

Can we, as LGBTQI 'community', please ALL refrain from claiming this kid as one of us!
We DO NOT KNOW!

Yes, we do know the mom is supportive of her kid, and would not support and love her kid any less if he would turn out to be gay.
I absolutely applaud this woman!

The whole blog, first and 2nd item on this event, was about bullying! Bullying by adults! And now bullying by her pastor and church!
Nothing more, nothing less!

Whether her son grows up to be trans, gay or heterosexual is not why we care. Why we care is because they are facing this discrimination based upon the same reasons used against us. THAT is the tragedy as I see it. And we applaud her for standing up for her son against the hatred spewed at them first by the mothers and now by the pastor because so many of us never had that kind of support and we recognize just how powerful what she is doing for her son is.

Regan DuCasse | February 6, 2011 12:06 PM

No, TomChicago..they are not. I have wondered at parents who allow their churches and pastors to expect more loyalty to the church, than one's own gay or gender bending flesh and blood.
At the end of the day, it's one's child who deserves the protection and support, not the church, nor the parent's fears.

Dogma, and that church, won't embrace this mother, nor will that church comfort her if something bad happened to her gay child.

But that gay child, would embrace her, love her and be there if she needed them.
This church is abandoning this woman already over a Halloween costume!
WTF?!

She could ALWAYS find another church, or none at all.
But her delightful, imaginative and loving child...is one of a kind. And these are the times, when he's little and needs her, she will cherish the most.

Parents of gay children, need a spine like THIS mom. Think of how many regret they didn't have one, when it mattered.