You might want to do a few stretches before reading this. We're about to race through the GLBT news, and I don't want to be blamed if you strain something. I don't have insurance.
Ready, set, etc.
Terry Jones, Florida pastor and would-be Koran burner, will be the primary speaker on the Stand Up America tour, which will condemn the "deathstyles" of homosexuality, Islam and abortion.
On this tour, the groupies will be War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death.
Another sad fellow, Congressman Chris Lee of New York, resigned after the world saw a shirtless photo of himself he sent to a woman he met on Craigslist. The married, socially conservative Republican wasn't our friend in Congress.
Pity. Gay men could teach the Craigslist Congressman how to pose alluringly instead of alarmingly.
Now to Colorado and another man behaving badly. Lt. Jeff Egnor of the Douglas County Sheriff's Department posted hundreds of anti-gay and racist comments on local news Web sites using his work computer while on duty.
Under the screen name "Abu Mybutt," Egnor reacted to DADT's elimination by suggesting new military slogans like "Butt Rangers lead the way!" and "Join the Navy, see naked men!"
He resigned from the force. Maybe he'll join the military.
Keep up now, people. Quick quick like a bunny.
Turning to gays behaving badly, we're off to the Caribbean and a charter billed as the "world's largest gay cruise." Agents searched Steven Barry Krumholz's cabin and allegedly found lots of meth, Ecstasy and cash. While they waited for Krumholz, two passengers came by to buy.
I'm shocked, shocked to hear of drug dealing among gay men in a party setting. Next you'll tell me gay men and lesbians smoke a lot.
In happier news, Mitchell Reich was elected the first openly gay president of the Harvard Law Review. Personally, as publications go, I'd rather read the American Journal of Gastroenterology, but this is still primo news.
And then there's the story of Malcolm, quite a kid. His mother gave him $140 to donate to the charity of his choice. He divided the money between the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center and the Human Rights Campaign.
In his seven-year-old handwriting, he told the Center, "I'm sending you this money because I don't think it's fair that gay people are not treated equally."
Stop crying. We don't have time for it.
In international news, the flight attendants for a new charter airline in Thailand include four transsexuals. The airline is called P.C. Air, which I'm certain doesn't stand for Politically Correct.
The word is out about a proposed gay-centric but open-to-everyone community near Palm Springs, Calif. The designs for "Boom" include 300 residences, eight neighborhoods, an entertainment center and a "rooftop mist disco."
Those might be the gayest three words I've ever heard.
South Carolina Republican Sen. Jim DeMint, the Family Research Council, Concerned Women for America and other righty individuals and groups boycotted the Conservative Political Action Conference, huffy over the involvement of the gay conservative group, GOProud.
I don't agree with GOProud on much, but if it can cause this kind of schism among rabid conservatives, I say go you boys.
Hang on. Last lap. Almost there.
The Hawaii House of Representatives voted yes on civil unions, and in Maryland and Rhode Island legislative committees held hearings on same-sex marriage. A Maryland state senator announced he'll vote for gay marriage because he was appalled at the way opponents demonized gays. Welcome to our world.
There. You're done. Sorry for rushing you. It was the only way to get through it all. Now you can take a nap.