Alex Blaze

The Rapture Is this Weekend

Filed By Alex Blaze | May 19, 2011 2:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Fundie Watch, Marriage Equality, Media
Tags: Harold Camping, rapture

The rapture is coming this weekend, according to Family Radio president Harold Camping. He and his followers are rapture.jpgpreparing for a May 21 rapture, during which around 200 million Christians will be swept into heaven. Non-Christians and the other 1.9 billion Christians will be punished with earthquakes and suffering for several more months before the planet is destroyed.

The San Francisco Chronicle has a helpful FAQ on eschatological matters that explains how we know the rapture will happen this weekend:

Q: Why May 21?
A: Camping calculates May 21 is exactly 7,000 years from the date of the Noah's Ark flood. In his book "Time Has an End," Camping writes. "The year 391 B.C. is the year when the Old Testament was finished, and 2,011 + 391 - 1 = 2,401, or 7 x 7 x 7 x 7." There you have it.

While the math is fun, the other reason the rapture is apparently happening now is because of gay pride and same-sex marriage, which require God to destroy the Earth just as he destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.

The rapture is expected to start at 6pm local time on Kirimati Atoll and proceed around the world, so people on the American west coast will have 21 hours from the first reports of rapture to repent or commit a few final sins.

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Damnit Alex,
Everything that would be 'Sin' is pretty routine, workaday life. All the truly 'Sinful'stuff I could do that would be worthy of such an extraordinary circumstance, would involve hurting other people. I can't do that. I don't mind being sinful but I won't behave like an asshole.
Great... A chance to be truly evil... and I fail. I'll just go to bed early and hope the cataclysm is at least as quiet as the hurricanes I've managed to sleep through.

The Rapture! Uh huh, yeah, whatever.

When this DOESN'T happen, we need to toss Harold Camping and all the many countless other bible-thumping doomsayers into the padded cells they so clearly belong in.

It's high time these mentally unbalanced and reality-challenged idiots are put in their collective place once and for all!

The real question here is where can I find enough blow up dolls and helium to release into the sky on the 21st?

Brad Bailey | May 19, 2011 3:05 PM

What?

No more NOM? No more Family Research Council, American Family Association, Exodus or NARTH? No more Catholic League or Baptists? No more Scott Lively or David Bahati?

This is just.....AWESOME!

On Sunday morning, the only good Evangelical Christians are the raptured and thus gone ones.

Any you run into after then are self confessed evil fu@ks. Hey, their rules, their beliefs which they have been more than willing to try to hold the rest of us to.

Don Sherfick Don Sherfick | May 19, 2011 4:33 PM

Wait until they discover that whatever Biblical scribe was doing the copying made a spelling error. Many Ruptures have occurred and all of us are still here.

Kathy Padilla | May 19, 2011 4:58 PM

"The Rapture Is this Weekend"

And I have nothing to wear.

no clothes required.........robes will be provided at the Pearly Gate

Well, if we're all good enough, apparently we won't need anything. ;)

friday jones | May 19, 2011 7:33 PM

Weird how an alleged preacher doesn't seem to know about the passage from Exodus where G_d shows Moses a rainbow and says that it is His Covenant with Humankind that He will never again kill most of our species to "purify" it.

I just read about Camping - and his lackey, Tom Evans - over at The Good Men Project (http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/the-doomsday-publicist/), a site I write for. The whole thing is all very sad and pathetic. We're celebrating my mother's 50th that day...and I'm organizing a toast to The End.

My beloved spouse and I are attending a "left behind" party/brunch on Sunday. Leading the menu are homemade mimosas. When I told a minister friend of mine, she wondered why the general Christian population was not having a "rapture" party. I told her they were too scared to find out they were not among the chosen few. Since I already knew I was not going, partay!!!!

Dan Massey | May 21, 2011 3:04 AM

The doom predictors have taken their idea of the rapture from the Apostle Paul. The only at all detailed comment on the harvesting of souls at the end of an age that Jesus made was in the parable of the weeds sown among the good grain.

He says he would not uproot the weeds, lest he disturb the good plants. But at the harvest he would FIRST gather the weeds from the field and destroy them and only THEN harvest the good grain.

If anything is to ever happen, the first thing that will happen is clearing the planet of the weeds of false and mythic theologies, moralities, and methodologies. Certainly the people like Camping will be the first to be cleaned out and disposed of.

We know survival is achieved by being love, living truth, doing good, and making beauty. We have learned this by transcending life experiences of the most grotesque persecutions spanning many, many generations and finding our own inner truth in total freedom of sexual orientation and gender identity. SO+GI !!!!!