Bil Browning

Not-Gay Priest Wants Pope to Finger His Butt

Filed By Bil Browning | July 15, 2011 1:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Fundie Watch, Living
Tags: Andres Garcia Torres, Catholic priests, finger in the butt, the Pope

After Spanish priest Andrés García Torres had his photo taken with a young seminarian, Catholic-priest.jpghis Bishop is suspicious he's gay and wants the priest to leave his parish, take the ex-gay cure and submit to an HIV test. Why? The priest and his young friend are hugging with their shirts off in the pic.

Torres, however, has devised a solution that should make everyone happy. He's willing to let the Pope measure his asshole.

Torres responded by saying he intends going to Rome to show that he is being expelled from his parish unfairly.

The priest, who insists that her [sic] and the 28-year-old with whom he was photographed on a trip to Fátima are just good friends, and threw down this challenge: "Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."

Well, that ought to put all suspicions to rest.


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Ah, but is it not better to give than to receive? Not much of a test for that, eh?

Ah, they could always test his pudendum for santorum!

I wonder: is it common practice for the Vatican to measure the orifices of newly recruited clergy as a point of reference?

I first saw this over at Joe My God.

My comment there went something like this (edited to make it more clear):

Ack! This priest seems to me to have a "macho" complex going - in macho culture, the penetrator is self-perceived as a "he-man" (and in many cases, will stick his schlong into any available hole, regardless of the sex of the penetratee) while he perceived the penetratee (regardless of orifice) as "puny" "weak" and "less than a man." This macho superiority is pretty much exactly that expressed by the biblical Men of Sodom.

So - this priest is clearly a "macho" and no matter how many boys he screws, as long as he does not take it in any of his own orifices, he woul not consider himself to be gay.

Measuring his anus won't prove anything.

Don Sherfick Don Sherfick | July 15, 2011 5:31 PM

How far Rome has come from the days when the only measurement theologians debated had to do with how big the head of a pin had to be to accomodate a given number of angels! Now some Vatican Commission is undoubtedly scrambling to find a silver/gold set of calipers with which to make precise and critical measurements of Spanish "rectitude". Or is that "rectory"?

... or perhaps a certain Bishop should don a latex glove and "prostate" himself.

Padre Torres is responding with about as much respect as the ridiculous level of homophobia shown by the Bishop deserves. The Bishop is totally out of line. How disgusting!

Taking this story a little more seriously, even according to the most literal and conservative interpretation of the Bible, there is no verse that says that two men cannot embrace without their shirts on. Not even in Leviticus. (Do I need to point out that during the time of Jesus, it was common for men to greet each other with a kiss on the cheek? The side of the face, I mean?)

Speaking of Leviticus, has the Bishop eaten any shrimp lately? Or meat recipes that include milk? Does the Bishop's garments include more than one type of fiber? We've held it all before.

The Bishop deserves to have someone's asshole stuck in his face, and I hope Padre Torres has a nice meal of garbanzos a few hours before the encounter.

My one-millionth typo: I meant to type, "We've heard it all before." Not "held".

A very cute and handsome young man... I can definately see his interest...

Nah, that's not gay, is it "daddy"??

Note that at the discussion of this on the freethinker (link at beginning of BBs TBP post), there is some back and forth as to whether the photo is real or faked.
Regardless, there are some great LOL posts there for your Sunday reading pleasure, e.g.:
---"Get thee behind me"
---"I hope they get to the bottom of the matter."
---Extended discussion of a special chair in the Vatican, the sedia stercoraria, that is apparently used for examining the Popes testicles (or at least determining if they exist)
---"“Kiss my ass” is so old hat now. I’m taking up “measure my anus!” instead."