Bil Browning

31 Days: Blood in the Shower

Filed By Bil Browning | September 04, 2011 4:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: autobiographies, bloody shower, Made up stories, writing a book

The backstory behind this photo is after the break.

bloody-shower.jpg

I'm doing a series of posts for 31 days that will feature a photo from my personal collections and the backstory behind the picture. I'm trying to stick with shots that have not appeared on the site before. I'm using the stories as a writing exercise to help me prepare for writing a book. You can find the rest of the series posts here:

I've said "One of these days, I'm going to write a book!" for years. It'll be autobiographical with plenty of juicy scandalous made-up sections and outrageous quotes from famous people and nobodies alike. There will be romance and intrigue, adventure and comedy, and scads of horrific incidents throughout.

Part of the joke has always been that I would take mundane day-to-day events and turn them into shocking and wicked incidents that would titillate the general public. Regular modern life would become monstrous tales that, of course, paint me in the best possible light since, you know, it's my (somewhat) autobiography.

It's bound to be a best seller. Just ask Augusten Burroughs or Dick Cheney.

The spot that gets the most potential fables is the shower. We often clean up at the same time - either with both Jerame and me in the shower or one of us showering while the other brushes his teeth, etc. I have a tendency to chatter and talk quite a bit while we're in the bathroom together. Most of it is nonsense - fake song lyrics to something playing on the stereo, crude jokes, funny noises, or faux outrage at some news.

Here's how a normal set up would occur if Jerame is slightly grumpy and I'm a little manic:

*Bil spouts nonsense for ten minutes straight*

Jerame: Would you shut up? I'm ready to duct tape your mouth shut!

Bil (after picking a scab): Dammit. I picked this thing and now I'm bleeding.

*Jerame looks in concern and touches Bil on the shoulder*

Jerame: You okay?

Bil: Well, this is going in the book. Here's how I'm gonna write it too... I was an abused blogger tortured by my husband. One time he threatened to tape over my mouth and keep me in the shower. Then he clubbed me about the head and neck like a baby seal until he could watch my blood swirl down the drain!

Jerame: Oh, Bil.

So when we stayed at a friend's house for the first time and saw his shower curtain, I had to ask Jerame to take a photo of me looking terrified. It's for the book.

Jerame says it'll be the cover.


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Speaking of blood in the shower ...

I must say, Bil, you look more like an Anthony Perkins than you do a Janet Leigh.

At least Hitchcock had the decency to shoot in Black-and-white.

Wait, there was blood there? I must have missed it for all the sexiness. Bil- I think this blog could take a whole new turn...

Lucky Jerame!