Ed Team

A Phone Call to Mom

Filed By Ed Team | October 24, 2011 8:00 AM | comments

Filed in: Marriage Equality, You Gotta See This
Tags: Alan Bounville, calling Mom, Great Divide, phone call, Walk Across America

Frequent guest contributor Alan Bounville is walking across America for LGBT equality. He hadn't spoken to his mother for two years after she voted in favor of a marriage discrimination amendment, but as he crossed the Great Divide, Alan gave her a call. Here's how it went.


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Dear Alan:

I have just viewed your video and I am sitting here stunned and speechless. I cannot believe a parent would respond to a child, allegedly conceived in love, in such a cool and insincere manner after such a lengthy separation (even the Prodigal Son got better treatment than that). I found myself becoming enraged at her "victim" stance. I detected a fundamentalist belief system and that she thinks her theology grants her the right to psychologically abuse you. Correct me if I am wrong.

Theologian and Bible scholar, James B. Nelson, says in his book, EMBODIMENT, "If we must find an important part of our personal security in a status which depends on the negative definition of those who differ from us, then we are living by something other than the grace of God."

I commend you on your reaching out -- hoewever, your mom needs to remember, "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be callled the children of God" -- but my heart breaks for you and the reception you got. When I came out 34 years ago, I told family and close friends that I still loved them and wanted them to be a part of my life. However, if they chose not to do so, I resolved that I did not need them in my life in order to survive. Some close family members as well as some close friends chose not to continue as members of my life. It is a painful situation but sometimes it is less painful and more productive just to let them go.

As you struggle with your family, I wish you peace.