Bil Browning

Santorum's Wish-Boner Dressing [What You Need to Know]

Filed By Bil Browning | April 04, 2012 3:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Marriage Equality, Media
Tags: Bobby Jindal, clean the kitchen, EEOC, Frank Schubert, gay slang, Jenna Talackova, Louisiana, Maggie Gallagher, Mitt Romney, Santorum salad dressing, sexual harrasment

I almost died laughing when I saw Christwire's new line of Santorum flavored Easter food... santorumsalad.jpegJoe.My.God. picked up the "Santorum Glazed Easter Ham," but my favorite was the Santorum flavored salad dressing. Here's their description:

Guys, are you worried that eating salad makes you look a bit homosexual? Worry no more with Wish Bone's aggressively zesty Santorum Salad Dressing!... Once you've acquired a taste for those subtle hints of muksy delight, you'll be parting lettuce leaves and rolling tomatoes aside to get right at that those thick gobs of Santorum in your tossed salad! Your tongue will dart every which way to lap up the pungent depths of this heartland flavor! And when that final blast of Santorum hits your lips, you'll feel like a Tea Party favorite with a million dollar consulting gig! No amount of feminists, radical gays and hippies will hold you back from embracing America's reawakened manhood when you have Santorum dripping from your chin!

In related news, when Adam Polaski was interning with Bilerico last year, I had to explain what "tossing salad" was in gay slang - along with "clean the kitchen." So what do you need to know other than older queer slang? Here it is:

  • Poor Jenna Talackova... During a photo shoot at the Hotel Wilshire in LA, she stripped down to a bikini and started posing, only to have nearby restaurant patrons complain. The hotel shut down the shoot; she didn't have permission to take the photos in a public area - only her hotel room.
  • Who got the most votes in yesterday's primaries? Not Mitt Romney.
  • Frank Schubert, the asshat strategist behind the winning campaign to nullify same-sex marriage rights in California is leaving his firm to concentrate on his specialty - anti-gay measures.
  • An EEOC lawsuit against trucking firm CRST Van Expedited Inc has backfired and now the government agency is the one being chastised by the court. After dozens of women claimed they were forced to watch porn, subjected to non-stop verbal harassment, and told they'd have to have sex with trainers to pass certain tests, the EEOC filed suit. The court, however, decided the agency didn't do enough investigation and the ruling will make it much harder for the agency to pursue large discrimination claims nationwide.
  • Maggie Gallagher is looking for some loaner bunnies for Easter. No word yet on whether or not they have to be one male and one female bunny. Has anyone told her that rabbit is an unclean meat in the Bible?
  • A Louisiana state senate panel has passed a bill allowing charter schools to discriminate against LGBT, disabled and kids who have poor English skills. They're not calling it the "Fuck the Spicks, Cripples, and Queers Measure," but they might as well. Republican Governor Bobby Jindal put out a sternly worded statement, "We're against discrimination, but we don't believe in special protections or rights." Uh, yeah. That's telling those bigots, Bobby. Way to go. Let them have it. *sighs*

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