John M. Becker

The Case of the Albuquerque Mystery Pooper

Filed By John M. Becker | July 21, 2013 6:00 PM | comments

Filed in: The Movement
Tags: Albuquerque, defecation, jogging, New Mexico, running, weird news, weird videos

malicious_fecal_distribution.pngToday in weird news, an unnamed resident of Albuquerque, New Mexico would like the young blonde woman who takes occasional weekend morning jogs through his Nob Hill neighborhood to please stop defecating on his property.

The resident, who asked not to be identified, first found the mess on Easter Sunday and suspected that a homeless person might have relieved themselves. But he alleges that it's happened at least three additional times, including last weekend.

His security camera caught the mystery pooper in the act, and he's become so frustrated with having to clean up her (ahem) deposits that he turned the footage over to local ABC affiliate KOAT in the hopes that she'll be recognized.

In the news report, which you can watch after the jump, the jogger can be seen taking a detour into an alley and looking around to make sure nobody's watching. She then "drops her pants, lets go, [and] puts her shorts back up without any wipe, nothing else," before quickly fleeing the scene.

The man whose house has become, as reporter Melissa Colorado puts it, this woman's "personal toilet" just wants her to stop.

"This is malicious fecal distribution," he said. "If it happens again, I'm going to run out there with a hose and hose her down and say, 'Bad human!'"

This is definitely the strangest news story I've seen all week. Readers, what's on top of your bizarre news list?

And joggers, help me out here. Can you relate to this woman's predicament at all? Have you ever had to relieve yourself at inopportune times and/or in inappropriate places during the middle of a strenuous run?


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