For your morning dose of lunacy, I give you the special music from a recent Sunday service at Boomer Baptist Church in good ol' Boomer, West Virginia.
A defiant, scientifically illiterate female trio sings in unison, reassuring the appreciative congregation that "we didn't come from monkeys, we didn't swing from trees."
In case you're wondering whether Boomer Baptist Church's beliefs on LGBT rights are any more enlightened than their views on scientific matters, never fear. From the "doctrine" section of their website:
"We believe that God has commanded that no intimate physical activity be engaged in outside of a marriage between a man and a woman. We believe that any form of homosexuality, lesbianism, bisexuality, bestiality, incest, fornication, adultery, and pornography is a sinful perversion of God's original intent for a physical relationship between a husband and wife."
Conveniently, they also believe that Christians "are prohibited from bringing civil lawsuits against other Christians or the church" and "obligated to support [their] local church financially," but that they "[relinquish] all rights to direct the use of the tithe or offering once the gift has been made."
Send in those checks, folks!