I'm someone who makes plans.
Like many people with Tourette and co-morbid conditions, I sometimes struggle to rejigger my thinking when my expectations for what a day or event was going to look like get confounded by unforeseen circumstances. Seven out of ten times I can adapt reasonably quickly and go on without much, if any, outward sign that I've been thrown for a loop.
Those other three out of ten times though, I can get stuck in an obsessive recursive thought pattern, caught between what is and what I'd thought was going to be. After fifteen years together my husband has gotten used to it, and sometimes he can break that pattern, although not always.
That's why today's photo is a bit of personal triumph for me.
Thursday evening I worked until around 4am and then set about getting to bed. Unfortunately, I'm in the midst of starting a new medication, and it's been causing some insomnia. After several hours of lying in bed tossing and ticcing, I decided to put said insomnia to some use and go shoot the Friday morning sunrise.
This is clearly not much of a sunrise photo.
It's been unseasonably warm here in Old Orchard Beach, and thick cloying fog has been a common sight most mornings.
Being sleep-deprived, frustrated from insomnia, cold (thirty-five is warm for January, but it's not warm), and now having my expectations for getting something positive out of the morning clearly in jeopardy, the stage was set for me to at the very least sink into a depressive morass.
Instead, I decided to make a concerted effort to turn things around. I figured the fog perhaps was itself a fine subject, and while the newly risen sun was completely hidden from view, the light had potential.
Even so, looking at the photos I was getting in the camera was really rather depressing. Still, determined to give things the best shot possible, I resolved not to load them to the computer until I'd had some sleep and could look with fresh eyes unclouded by disappointment over not getting a sunrise.
And what I got, with some work, was this photo. It's not my best, but it's certainly worth the effort I put into getting it. Even five years ago, I don't know if I'd have had the mental wherewithal to have salvaged the morning.
Personal growth and progress can take many forms. Yesterday, for me it took the form of this photo.