Arseny Bobrovsky, a prominent critic of Russian President Vladimir Putin and the co-owner of the satirical Twitter account @KermlinRussia, found a strange surprise waiting for him last week when he left home for work: a giant dick strapped to his car.
A report from the New Republic has the details. (Note: writer Julia Ioffe initially erroneously said the car belonged to Bobrovsky's co-author Katya Romanovskaya, but has since corrected the error.)
Last Monday, when Katya Romanovskaya left her Moscow apartment for work, she discovered that her car had a giant phallus strapped to it with a metal chain. Upon further examination, she discovered that the shaft was made out of one tree trunk, the veins elaborately, carefully carved. Two other, smaller pieces of wood were attached to either side. It was hard to remove: the thing weighed well over 200 lbs.
But Romanovskaya understood exactly why it had been put there. "Finally," she wrote under a picture of the phallus on her Facebook page, "the day has come when my work has been noticed and appreciated."
Apparently, the monstrous, veiny penis really fouled up their day:
But those thoughts would come later. Katya and Arseny spent the whole day trying to get a cop to make up a police report, though most were laughing too hard to get their act together. Same with the witnesses needed to sign the report. All day people photographed the phallus--solo, or with a friend standing next to it. Katya shot videos of a diplomatic car slowing down as it passed. Some cars actually backed up to verify that they were actually seeing this. At some point, Katya and Arseny went to have dinner with a friend who is a ritzy magazine editor who had taken them to an equally ritzy restaurant for an omakase menu. Through all 15 courses, Katya said, "all we talked about was cock."
Eventually they got a tow truck to come over and used the crane to remove the penis from Bobrovsky's car, and the duo and several friends hauled it up to their apartment. They're currently deciding what to do with it. A man has already gotten in touch with an offer to purchase the wooden dong for his "collection of cocks."
h/t: Joe. My. God.