Adam Carolla, who's a famous comedian or something, whined to Salon this week that the gays have ruined comedy because we no longer let people like him turn us into punchlines and demand apologies and retractions when they do.
Oh, and he'd like to get that whole marriage equality thing done as soon as possible too -- so the "gay mafia" can finally "shut the f**k up."
Carolla, who rose to prominence in the late 1990s and early 2000s on the Comedy Central hit The Man Show, has a history of anti-LGBT statements. Most notably, in 2011 he launched into a racist, transphobic, and homophobic tirade on his podcast. He issued a half-hearted apology at the time, excusing himself by saying that he's a "comedian, not a politician."
But as the Salon interview makes clear, Carolla is still upset about it all. After first absolving himself by playing the obligatory "I have gay friends" card, he then asserts that the "gay mafia" is a real thing -- "they've just turned into a mafia and demanding everyone apologize for every joke and retract every statement." And it's not like those gays really have anything legitimate to complain about, Carolla says: "There's been comedians telling jokes but no overt gay-bashing crimes."
See how that works? Comedians may have bashed queers with their words, but they're not bashing them with their fists... so be grateful. Or something.
Then he keeps digging, falsely equating being gay with being a pedophile and suggesting that because gays and pedophiles can both hide in plain sight, it's much harder to discriminate against them. (But he wouldn't discriminate -- against either group -- because he doesn't care, you guys.)
Pivoting to a plug for his new book, President Me: The America That's in My Head (side note: perish the thought!) -- Carolla notes that he devotes a portion of the tome to tackling the national debate on marriage equality. His take on the issue can be summed up thusly: I'm sick of talking and hearing about queers, so let's get this done so they can go away.
In the book, what I say about the gay community is that someone sent me "the top 10 reasons gays should marry." One: They're American. Two: They pay taxes. Three through five: So they can shut the fuck up. I don't want to be lying on my deathbed and realize gay marriage and legalization of marijuana is all I discussed the last half of my life.
"I've lived in [Hollywood] my whole life and never seen it like this," Carolla laments.
Holy privilege blindness, Batman! I'm sorry that the fact that homophobia and transphobia is no longer tolerated is cramping your comedic style, dude, but we LGBTs aren't going to "shut the f**k up" and stop calling out bigotry and demanding equality anytime soon -- especially because our issues go far beyond securing the freedom to marry.
So you'll be hearing from us pesky queers for a long time to come. Allow me to humbly suggest that instead of demanding that we "shut the f**k up," you take your own advice instead and keep your rancid prejudice to yourself.
Click here for the full interview over at Salon.