Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian, recently delivered the commencement speech at the Jesus H. Christ School for Boys. In Bowers's speech, titled "The Universe's Busiest Voyeur," she sternly warns the new graduates about the dangers of self-love.
"The Lord is standing at the foot of your bunk bed every time you spill your seed," Bowers admonishes them. "Remember this the next time you're about to cinch down your BVDs and defile a tube sock for fifteen seconds."
Check out Betty Bowers's words of wisdom in full: