Gina de Vries

I always have the most amusing conversations with doctors...

Filed By Gina de Vries | June 15, 2007 10:39 AM | comments

Filed in: Living, The Movement
Tags: personal, pregnant, queer, reproduction, San Francisco, sex

Doctor: Is there any chance you could be pregnant?

Me: Definitely not.

Doctor (fishing): Not having sex? Not having sex with guys, or...?

Me (resisting the urge to launch into a lecture about how some men don't have the anatomy to get me pregnant, and some women do have said anatomy, and that even with people with said anatomy, there's a lot you can do sexually that will not make a baby): Um... Well... Just... Not having the kind of sex that can get me pregnant.

Doctor: Cool!

Someone asking me if there's a chance I could be pregnant is like someone asking me if I've visited Mars. I've been sexually active since I was sixteen, and at this point in my life, I'm having sex with people with parts that could get me knocked up. But within my own mind, I still don't connect sex with reproduction at all. I think this is particularly because the majority of the sex I have is just, well, not wont to get me pregnant; but I also think this is one of the side affects of growing up queer in San Francisco. Sex equals babies? Naw -- sex equals fun, lots of careful planning equals babies!

(You can find more of Gina's writing at her blog, Queershoulder.)

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At least your doctor was cool. I can't count the number of doctors who have followed up that question with an insistence that I be on birth control. Even at Planned Parenthood.

A. J. Lopp | June 15, 2007 3:14 PM

Men run into this problem, too ... I don't know how many HIV-prevention surveys I have filled out were the question is simply, "Do you or your male partner wear a condom every time you have sex?" ... implying that the only gay sex possible is someone getting plowed in the caboose with a penis.

Then I'm supposed to answer YES or NO ... meaning that, if I answer truthfully, the Scantron machine will tally my answer along with all the barebackers and bug-chasers!

Ever heard of blowjobs? Ever heard of mutual masturbation? Frottage? ... Fisting? ... Rimming? ... remember the Accu-Jack? ... how about old Steve Reeves movies? ...

A. J. Lopp | June 15, 2007 3:22 PM

... Oh, and I forgot the best sex of all! ... How about the multiple, spontaneous orgasms we all had, males and females alike, when we saw Paris Hilton being hauled off, screaming and sobbing, in an LAPD squad car?

You raise an interesting point, Allen. I don't know how many times I've bitched about doctors and HIV. Every time I go the doctor, whether it's a cold or something serious, they ALWAYS want to do an HIV test. For example, the lip cyst I blogged about earlier this year - the first thing out of the doctor's mouth is "Have you had an HIV test lately?" Geez. Not all gay men have HIV.

I always wondered if straight women had to get that - "Got a cold? You may have HIV!" It seems instead they get, "Got a cold? You may be pregnant!"

*wanders off muttering angrily to himself*

Good first post, Gina.

Ellen Andersen | June 16, 2007 10:28 AM

Welcome to Bilerico, Gina! I feel your irritation. In fact, this post flashed me back to a moment maybe 20 years ago. I needed to find a doctor when I was visiting my folks in New Jersey because I'd come down with a yeast infection. (If you think that's TMI, just wait for the next sentence.) Flash forward to me literally lying on my back with my feet in the stirrups and a speculum shoved into me when the (female) doctor gets around to asking me whether I could be pregnant. So of course I say "no," and she probes (pun intended) and I disclose that I'm a lesbian and the doctor is friggin' fascinated! "Really?" says she. "How do you know you're a lesbian? Have you ever had a relationship with a man?" And on and on. And it's *really* hard to tell a doctor to go f*ck herself when you're being skewered by a speculum. I'm just saying...