Steve Ralls

A Horny Gay Peacock's Lust for the Lexus

Filed By Steve Ralls | October 07, 2007 10:14 AM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment
Tags: Benjamin Slade, lexus, london, peacock, steve ralls

As a gay man, I can be a little vain once in a while. I'll admit that I will turn my head to look at a hot guy in a hot car (especially if the car is a convertible and the guy can't find his shirt), and I'll definitely pay attention to a hot guy on a Ducati . . . anyday. But a lustful gay peacock in London has taken the stereotype a little too far. He's fallen in love, apparently, not with the guy in the car, but with the car itself.

No, it's true. There's a lover's quarrel afoot in Europe, and it involves a horny gay peacock and the object of his affection: a dark blue Lexus. Thrown into the love story is a British Baronet, underwriters at Lloyd's of London and a bevy of panicked luxury car owners throughout the British capital.

According to a report by, Baroney Sir Benjamin Slade (and if that doesn't sound like a porn star's name, I don't know what does) has filed a claim with Lloyd's - for $8000 - because a peacock attacked and damaged his Lexus. The peacock, the car's owner insists, must be gay because "all peahens - female peacocks - are brown, and the car being a bright blue the attacking peacock had to be gay and in lust. The Lexus looked like 'another peacock boy' he said."

(Note to Slade: Keep the bird away from Donatella Versace's boutique. Have you seen her new collection? The woman likes threads so bright her seamstress team has to work while wearing Ray-Bans.)

But back to our young bird in love . . .

"He attacked the panels so hard that the car needs a total respray," he said, adding that "Lloyd's of London, are not very happy about it. They've had claims for all sorts of things like lions biting people. But never have they heard of a peacock sexually attacking a car before."

The peacock, it seems, might be into S & M.

In fact, the bird's fetish is so extreme that the Baronet has had to ban the presence of any blue Lexus on his estate, and he's posted signs warning visitors about the sexually eccentric peacock. "Sir Benjamin," the media reports, "has a reputation for being eccentric." And apparently, so does the bird.

It's all so very Liberace.

There's no word yet on whether the Lexus is protected by British hate crime laws, or if it'll all just be classified as another crime of passion. One thing's for sure, though: Our fussy feathered friend has proven yet again that gay men tend to have better tastes than the rest.

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I saw this story too and wondered about it. Doesn't it seem more likely that the bird is being territorial and is, instead, attacking what it thinks is a male rival for his peahens' attention? Besides, we already know about gay peacocks. Just find Carson Kressley! :)