Steve Ralls

Crack is Whack, But Slut Day Might Be An Idea Whose Time Has Come

Filed By Steve Ralls | October 26, 2007 12:27 PM | comments

Filed in: Media
Tags: Condoleezza Rice, drag queens, Halloween, High Heel Race, joel stein, los angeles times, sluts, Whitney Houston

Los Angeles Times columnist Joel Stein isn't a gay man, but he thinks a little bit like one. Case in point: His column in this morning's paper, proclaiming the death of adult Halloween and the birth of a new kind of celebration: Slut Day.

Slut Day, Stein proposes, "will take place the first Saturday of every August, a time both barren of holidays and plenty hot enough for really degrading costumes. Slut Day festivities include costume parties with themed drinks such as the Lindsay Lohan (just whatever in a giant glass) and, if possible, flat-screen TVs showing the latest celebrity sex tapes and select parts of 'Meerkat Manor.' Or anything else. Flat-screen TVs are just sexy."

What used to be the adult side of Halloween, Stein says, is becoming too constrained . . . too assimilationist . . . too boring. And he may have a point. What used to be the gayest of all holidays is now a little, well, mainstream.

On Tuesday night here in Washington, for example, the famous gay strip we call 17th Street, N.W. will be innundated with drag queens, exhibitionists . . . and a large group of straight men who now come to watch the festivities known as The High Heel Race unfold. The event, which has Washington's mayor as its grand marshall, has become a must-attend social networking event in D.C., not much different than the inaugural ball.

And the race - in which men in high heels run for three blocks for the right to proclaim themselves the best-balanced (if not best dressed) gay man in Washington - is fun. But it's not what it once was. The edge; the controversy and the subverisveness of it all is gone. (The real Whitney Houston, I submit to you, is a hell of a lot scarier than a Whitney drag queen.)

Truth be told, the race down gay Dupont's 17th Street isn't a whole lot edgier than the race for the White House. And they both involve too many coral jackets and too many unwarranted discussions about cleavage.

Stein sees a similar lurching towards normalcy on the west coast, too. And that, he argues, is exactly why we need Slut Day - to put the sex (and sexiness) back in the holidays.

"Slut Day rights the wrong that dates to the late '80s, when San Francisco's Exotic Erotic Ball," he says, "which takes place on Halloween, went mainstream. Even at liberal-yet-uptight Stanford University, I was dragged with my freshman dorm mates to an Exotic Erotic party, where I wore a red clip-on bow tie and a plastic bag from the campus bookstore that I had punctured for leg holes. . . . It was neither exotic nor erotic."

"So we need to invent a separate holiday when adults can get drunk and finally wear that pair of boots that seemed OK in the store but it turns out go up a little higher than you thought."

But will Condi Rice let me back in her closet (no pun intended!) after that Bilerico post I wrote about her? Or will I be forced to borrow Fred Thompson's Gucci heels?

There are so many questions - and so many preparations - to get ready for Slut Day.

But the point behind the idea is a good one. We need our edge back, people. We need our sinful-sexual hedonistic mojo.

We need an August Saturday filled with Condi Rice boots and a harem of bad boys.

Isn't Slut Day a holiday whose time has come?

We'll even let Joel Stein dress up as Whitney and play bartender. I don't know what he's planning on putting in that 'Lindsay Lohan,' but "crack is whack," Joel. Crack is whack.

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This is good.

Yes, yes, we need more glammed transgression and subversiveness. It's seems like everything nowadays is being made kid friendly, which sucks for those of us who don't want to be giant children.

I'd support a slut day, even if I didn't want to be a slut.

I have to say that this idea really creeps me out. It seems like it should be called "Photo Op Day for anti-Queer propaganda publishers".

To my way of thinking, this is precisely what we DON'T need, especially right now.

People should do whatever floats their boat, but c'mon guys, it's 2007, and I'm bored as hell with transgression for the sake of transgression. That's not "adult", that's perpetual adolescence.

Also, if Joel Stein wants to get his slut on, more power to him, but to imply that means he "thinks like a gay man" is pretty reductive.

I'd be there is spirit....but I'm too much of a "nice guy" to be there in practice...It's a curse!

I'm thinking every day is "Photo Op Day for anti-Queer propaganda publishers". Seriously, they find something to hate about everything, and I don't like letting them rule my life.

And you're not bored with transgression for the sake of transgression, Kevin, you just never liked it in the first place. There's nothing reductive about mentioning the fact that queer makes people think outside restrictive sexual and gender norms, and a lot of us embrace that as the best part of being queer.

Besides the boys, of course.

Sorry Alex, but I think Kevin does have a point. There's a whif of childishness to the whole slut/sexual transgression model of queer life. Yes, being queer gives us a different perspective but there is some truth to what Kevin says that queers (gay men in particular) to tend to remain perpetually adolescent and more than a little narcissistic.

I agree, Alex, they'll no doubt find something about us to hate regardless. I just don't think we should be offering them free ammunition. Consider what you see on Faux News...seems like it's always the most outrageously fabulous Pride floats, doesn't it? Now imagine what they could do with footage from a "Slut Day". You can be sure we'll get to see it looped during their coverage of ENDA or any pro-GLBT efforts.

I still think there's no question that this is an unbelievably bad idea, and I also think it'll help sign our political potency death warrant. Personally, I think it's on the level of a political campaign calling up their opponents and letting them know exactly where and when the candidate will make a major political gaff that they can exploit to win votes for their side.

In a nutshell, it's shooting ourselves in the foot with an AK-47.

No. No. No. Please no.

No, no, no!!!! Slut Day is the best idea ever! I'll never back down! I won't see any problem with Slut Day! It's my favorite holiday!


We can give out Slut Day presents and go Slut Caroling... in our pants! And then someone will hide the Slut eggs and we can find them... in our pants! And after that we'll eat a whole lot of Slut Tofurkey... in our pants! And since it's August we can have Slut Fireworks... in our- no, wait, that's actually a bad idea.

Slut Day can become an all American tradition, like pre-emptive war, Twinkies, and yellow school buses. And then I'll have to do a culture worksheet with my little French kids about it.

I don't see any problems with any of this!

Steve Ralls Steve Ralls | October 26, 2007 6:46 PM

*sigh* Perhaps I should explain.

This was meant as a funny sort of post - as was Joel Stein's original column. It's lighthearted, was supposed to be a little Wonkette-y and was meant to look at Halloween as a gay holiday (which it is for some people!) and to look at the humorous side of that.

It's sarcasm, people.

I'm not seriously proposing that we dress up as Whitney, Condi, Lindsay Lohan or anybody else. And I'm not suggesting that we politically proclaim our sluttiness. Nor do I believe gay people are any more slutty than anyone else.

This was meant to be a cute, funny mid-day post to get a chuckle out of a few people.

Apparently, only a few of us got it.

Damn, Steve. And I was so hoping to be part of your harem. I'd imagine you'd look spectacular in Condi boots. *frowns* I see how you are... Get my hopes up and then dash them to the floor. *sigh*