Michele O'Mara

Lesbian Dating Tips

Filed By Michele O'Mara | March 04, 2008 1:48 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: advice column, lesbian advice, lesbian dating, lesbian love, lesbians, love, strategies, tips

I am a lesbian and I am ready to start dating again, after recovering from a 6 year relationship that ended a year ago. I'm nervous about how to even begin again. Do you have any tips for how I can go about that?

~ Ready-to-date

I am so fascinated with the concept of lesbian dating. Having worked with so many single lesbians, and knowing how hard it is to meet lesbians, I am actually researching this very topic with a friend and fellow social worker. We've had over two hundred responses so far, and there is certainly much to learn!

In fact, you can take our survey on lesbian dating and we can keep you posted as we discover where lesbians are meeting one another, and what's working and what is not working when it comes to dating. For now, though, I have pulled together a list of ten strategies that are posted after the jump, for you to consider as you return once again to the lesbian dating scene... wherever that may take you.


1. Focus on the present. Date today. Commit tomorrow. Focus on fun, enjoyment, the adventure of the moment, not on securing a commitment for a long-term relationship.

2. Leave your house. Get out and network, socialize, meet new people, volunteer, be active in your world.

3. Excellent personal care. To neglect your personal appearance because you are single is like trying to sell a car without washing it. Take pride in your appearance.

4. Be yourself. The more authentic you are, the more sincere you will appear. This includes revealing your sexual orientation when possible and natural.

5. Explore new areas of interest. Consider doing those things you always wanted to try or to learn about, such as:

  • Sports - volleyball, basketball, tennis, golf, sailing, horseback riding, and sports leagues for a number of team sports

  • Athletic - hiking, biking, canoeing, kayaking, white water rafting, camping, walking groups, yoga

  • Non-traditional athletic events - scuba, caving, skydiving, mountain climbing, hang gliding, paintballing, wall-climbing

  • New Skill Learning - ball room dancing, candle-making, quilting, computer class, pottery class

  • Cultural - museum tours, theatre, ballet, symphony, opera

  • Social - scavenger hunts, wine tasting at vineyards, group dinners

  • Volunteer - local homeless shelter, AIDS organization, animal rescue organizations, hospital nursery

6. Take healthy risks. Approach strangers you find attractive. Start conversations. Ask the hottie at work for coffee.

7. Be clear it's for a "date" when you ask someone out. Many lesbians struggle to know if time spent with a new woman is designed to be a date, or a friendship. Specify this up front!

8. Keep your attitude in check. Negative self-comments, constant
complaining, depressed attitudes are unappealing behaviors to healthy women.

9. Heal from ex's first. To be truly ready for dating, you must close the door to heartbreaks and heartaches of the past. Frequent talk of ex's is a red-flag for potential new dates.

10. Enjoy being single. In general, people are attracted to those who appear confident and who feel good about themselves. Desperate is a big TURN OFF. If you are not having fun while you are single you can bet you will not have MORE fun when you are partnered. You are you - either you are one who has fun, or you are one who does not. Enjoy life - regardless of your relationship status!

Happy Dating!

by Michele O'Mara, LCSW

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