Eric Marcus

The Governor and his Marital Aide

Filed By Eric Marcus | March 18, 2008 11:15 AM | comments

Filed in: Politics, Politics
Tags: Jim McGreevey

Did anyone really think that Jim McGreevey's manipulative and cynical declaration "I am a gay American!" and his subsequent resignation were the end of it? Oh, how I wish it had been! This latest revelation of hetero-homo three-ways is definitely TMI.

Leaving aside for a moment the people of New Jersey who voted for Jim McGreevey, there is really only one true victim in this debacle. If I were the judge overseeing the McGreevey child custody battle, now is the time I'd be thinking about turning over their kid to a third party. I'm glad I'm not the judge.

From the start it was clear that Jim McGreevey didn't resign from office simply because he was a gay American. We've made so much progress in a few short decades that tumbling out of the closet is no longer a resigning offense for an elected official. Nor is getting caught tap-dancing in a men's rest room. Nor, did I think, was McGreevey's bone-headed decision to hire his Israeli boyfriend to head up the state's security apparatus.

So since that fateful press conference where McGreevey used his declaration of sexual orientation to deflect questions the press should have been asking, I've wondered what it was that McGreevey was resigning over. Turns out it was a marital aide. And not the kind you swallow in pill form.

There's plenty that many of us would prefer never to have to answer for in public. But when you run for office you have to figure that whatever you do--or have done--is open to public scrutiny. I don't think politicians should have to answer every question about their private lives, but if you're gay, closeted, and having three-ways with your wife and a young aide, why would you run for public office? And once partially exposed, why would you pretend to be a victim when the odds are that the truth will one day come out?

The only upside to this sorry affair is that it's taken my mind off the deadlocked democratic nomination, the Spitzer mess, and the imploding economy. I guess I should thank the McGreeveys for that.

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This latest "scandal" from the mcgreeveys is even more annoying than their other ones. I kinda want them to just disappear already - it feels like one of the most bitter divorces ever and it's just absurd the way the media cover it.

I'm weirded out too by his use of the phrase "gay American." It's like, we already knew you were American, duh. But was he afraid someone would question his patriotism or something?

I think the fact that any queer who writes about that event now uses the phrase "gay American" shows that I'm not the only one it stuck with.

So what is wrong with a threesome? As long as it was among consenting adults I don't see what the big deal is.

Since I don't really pay attention to these kind of scandals and stuff, I guess I have missed out on the whole story, but if all they can find to report on is a threesome, it must be a slow news day or something.

And why the heck are they even bothering, he quit and is not a public figure anymore. I am sure if the news people wanted to they could find something important to report on. There are plenty of corrupt politicians out there doing things much worse than a threesome.

Call me jaded, but a threesome doesn't even score on my pervmeter. Oh well.

This isn't a slow news day. This is another chapter in a sad story about a politician who twisted himself (along with others) in knots to achieve high office while hiding the fact he was gay. Now he and his wife are in an ugly custody dispute where everything about their relationship is fair game. Just for some background, here's a link to a summary of the current news on the subject:

Regarding the "I am a gay American" proclamation, am I remembering correctly that HRC helped McGreevey come up with that disingenuous line? Shouldn't HRC be saving its media savvy for those who deserve it?

Regarding the "I am a gay American" proclamation, am I remembering correctly that HRC helped McGreevey come up with that disingenuous line?

Ha! I was just about to joke that it sounded like this line was pulled directly from the pages of an HRC pamphlet on how to come out.

If I were the judge overseeing the McGreevey child custody battle, now is the time I'd be thinking about turning over their kid to a third party.

Are you seriously advocating that the children be removed from their parents' care because the parents were having kinky sex? I hope not, but it's hard to take such a comment lightly when you consider the violent ways in which our court system has been used to divide and destroy poor, black, and queer families. Kids separated from gay parents, black children removed from their homes in disproportionate numbers, etc.

I understand that the divorce is messy, but I see nothing in the article you provided to justify pulling the children out of both homes.

Bruce Parker Bruce Parker | March 18, 2008 4:18 PM


Having had more than my share of perverse sex and been a marital aide (or maybe you know problem) at one point in my life, I don't really like the anti-sex tone of your comments. I agree the story is silly. I think that the ex-gov, his wife and their aide are hot and if they asked me to be a part of their parties - I would probably have said okay. Thanks goodness I don't have kids to lose. :)


"Nor, did I think, was McGreevey's bone-headed decision to hire his Israeli boyfriend to head up the state's security apparatus."

I do think that's reason to request his resignation. It's called nepotism. Ask Wolfowitz how that worked out.

Eric, usually I think you're spot on. But I have to agree with all of the other pro-three-way comments. If the aide were underage, then I could see your point.

Diddly - pervmeter? I lOVE it! It's my new favorite word.

Anti-sex? You must be kidding! That wasn't the point of what I wrote. I personally have nothing against threesomes or foursomes or whatever anyone would like to do as long as we're talking about consenting adults.

My issue in this case is with hypocrisy. Presentation of false self for the purpose of getting elected to public office. Claiming to be a victim when you've been a participant. Using your newly discovered sexual orientation as a shield in a way that insults all the courageous gay men and women who so bravely fought for our rights over the past five decades.

Go ahead and argue with me, but try something a little less ridiculous than dismissing me by suggesting I'm anti-sex. And if you ask me (not that you have) threesomes are way overrated, but maybe I just made poor choices.

Granted McGreevey should not have appointed the boyfriend (or whatever he was) to a state job, especially one that he was so clearly unqualified to hold. And that probably would have been reason enough for him to resign.

If you were to castigate politicians for hypocrisy and other underhanded means of getting elected, then you would never catch up on blogging.

Call it job security I guess.

McGreevy is so 2006, or whenever. His life for most people is less than a pimple on a trannies pretty white a$$. Except for dragging a nasty divorce out to air in public(Now That really has to be good for the kids!),this is a non-event.

Has to be a slow news day. Either that, or people have way to much time on their hands.

P.S. And I have heard that threeways are kind of boring from other people as well. What do the rest of you think?

I don't see how this is anti-sex, and I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that taking away their kid, if it happens, is going to have a lot more to do with the utterly asinine bitterness and extravagant, in-every-paper accusations they're flailing around about each other.

Jeez, it's the reason I banned myself from citing the NY Post last summer. It was just too much sensationalized meanness, even for me.

And the three-ways I've had have generally been good, especially if its a long-term couple and I'm the fresh blood. I don't see why people are so attached to the number "2." First it's bilateral symmetry, now it's this....

Hmm, around here, most of the couples who want a threesome are like, hetero. They want another woman so the wife can get a little girl action, which is cool, but the guy can also get his share, which is something I am kind of not into you know.

So far there have been no lesbian couples that I know of who want to go there.

A real bummer that.

And yeah, bilateral symmetry isn't all it's cracked up to be, them octopi look like they have all kinds of fun.

Eric, thanks for the clarification. But I'm still confused . . . was the aide underage?

storyjasper | March 19, 2008 6:56 AM

As long as all 3 parties were consenting, I have no problem with what allegedly went on here. Assuming this is true, I think the wife's right to play the unknowing victim is consdierably comprosmised...As for thier ability to parent, I disagree with some comments here. What goes on in the parents bedroom is not the child's (or a court's) business. Homosexuality, or marital 3-ways do not lessen a person's ability to parent. Because these people are in the public eye, unfortunately, this kid will have the burden of knowing things about her parents that she shouldn't know. This doesn't mean her parents can't provide her with adequate care. I don't think a married couple living out their sex fantasies should be treated criminally. As for the fact that these fantsies may have played to his interests more than hers (since we don't know exactly what they did) is also not unusual. How often does a couple's fantasies match up exactly? If you are open enough to want to explore them for your partner, who can judge that? She agreed to do it, so who was wronged?

Michael Travis Jasper
author of the novel, "To Be Chosen"

The young aide was not underage.

My original comment about finding a new home for the child was not based only on this latest revelation. In NYC we've been treated to the back and forth tug of war between the McGreeveys over their child. The judge has already castigated both of them for their inability to work things out between themselves and not in the tabloids, which would be in the best interest of the child.

Of course I don't really believe that the child should be removed from the custody of her parents. But one can hope that the parents can set aside their animosity for one another and think of their child first.

I didn't take Eric's post to be anti-sex. Just anti-public divorce cases where every little skeleton is drug out of closets and put on public display...

There have been plenty of times I've seen divorces get so ugly and the former spouses so angry and hateful to each other (see Alex Baldwin) that you think the kid(s) would be better off in a home with a lot more love and a lot less anger. I can see what Eric is saying...

mcgreevy did NOT resign because he was gay. he was under investigation for widespread corruption. the gay israeli boyfriend was only poor judgment in "nepotism as usual". it brought more public attention than it was worth.

everyone needs to ask themselves why politicians spend millions of dollars, their own and that of contributors, to obtain a position that pays $100-200k a year. sure, some are wealthy. some are motivated by public recognition. there are even some motivated ny ideals. but most are motivated by simple greed. there are a lot of ways to skim the tax payers dollar. there are contracts and budgets to approve, interests to consider ... i could vomit thinking about it.

mcgreevy got too greedy. he stepped on too many toes. he had to resign in disgrace to take off the heat. and since he has still not been indicted....i guess that everyone is satisfied and his resignation served it's purpose. "gay american", no.... just another greedy thief.

tobyhannabill | March 20, 2008 11:22 PM

Forgive me if I digress into my primal urge. But Ted Pederson seems to be kind of hot!!! How come there aren't many photos of the little third wheel in the McGreevey scandal. I've only seen the one with the married couple.