Michele O'Mara

50 Ways to Keep Your Lover: # 35-36

Filed By Michele O'Mara | April 18, 2008 9:15 AM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: advice column, lesbian, relationship, tips

In my book, Love Tips and Trips for Gay and Lesbian Relationships, I have identified 50 Ways to Keep Your Lover. My post last Friday offered strategies 33-34, this week I am sharing strategies 35-36. Look for more strategies next Friday!

35. Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto You. No, this is not a typo. Translation: treat yourself as well as you expect others to treat you. You literally teach others how to treat you by first showing them how you treat yourself. When you respect yourself, you are informing others, including your partner, that you are a person to be respected. When you disrespect yourself you are establishing a precedence that suggests it is not necessary to respect you. Do you treat yourself as well as you want others to treat you?

36. View your thoughts as Data. Every relationship conflict starts with a thought. How you interpret the data in your life will determine how you feel. Earlier I talked about giving the events in your life the best possible meaning. Sometimes though, you generate thoughts that are not even triggered by specific events--they come out of the blue, or so it seems. In these cases, it is important to view your thoughts as data, as information, as just another resource from which to make decisions.

"The stream of thinking has enormous momentum that can easily drag you along with it. Every thought pretends that it matters so much. It wants to draw your attention in completely." Eckhart Tolle - Stillness Speaks

Michele O'Mara, LCSW

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it's likely just my over-sensitivity, but am i the only one who's mildly perturbed by the title of this series, "50 ways to Keep Your Lover"? (emphasis clearly mine.)

i get that the message in every post is inevitably all the good stuff for bettering romantic relations mostly by manifesting basic respect to one's partner/s, but couldn't we at least find a better way to express that than with the word "keep" that seems to imply a very antithetical message of lover (and probably love) as objectifiable personal possession? a probable #000 advice to NOT do if you were indeed interested in maintaining a relationship, perhaps?

well, unless you're into some form of BDSM; i don't judge.

just a thought.