Don Sherfick

Larry Craig Ponders Veep Nomination

Filed By Don Sherfick | April 01, 2008 7:32 AM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Fundie Watch, Politics
Tags: John McCain, Larry Craig, Republican, vice president

Boise, Idaho - After receiving a call from the John McCain campaign that he was on the presumptive Republican Nominee's short list, Idaho Senator Larry Craig hastily called another press conference. This time his wife was not by his side, reportedly at a meeting with Silda Spitzer and Dina McGreevey to promote their seminar series: "Looking Great Beside Your Disgraced Hubby."

"I'm most humbled at the thought that I might serve my party and country in yet another capacity," Craig told assembled and incredulous reporters, "I am not Vice-Presidential material, nor have I ever been Vice-Presidential material." Then he continued: "But sometimes in life, just when you think it's all over, you're sitting there, between airplane connections, when suddenly a little piece of paper floats over from the next stall. You pick it up, and it says: 'I'm looking for a running mate from another Western state.' Those kinds of opportunities don't come by very often."

McCain headquarters was quick to deny that the Arizona senator had made any overtures to Craig. "Look," said one staffer speaking anonymously, "John was one of the first to throw Larry under the bus last year when that Minneapolis airport episode made the news. Why would he risk alienating the evangelical base of his party by linking up with Craig at the top of the ticket?"

Nonetheless, despite the quick denial, rumors persist that there is some kind of deal in the works. McCain has previously adopted his own wide stance on a number of issues like global warming, giving Europeans his left leg when speaking on the Continent but planting a solid right one back in the good old U.S. of A when appearing at the National Prayer Breakfast. At least until former pastor Ted Haggard began to give the invocation and then winked at him.

How would a McCain/Craig combination stack up against the so-called Democratic "dream ticket"? "Apparently it depends on who's on top," said an anonymous pollster who snickered broadly when asked to elaborate on exactly what he meant by that statement.

Craig said he would take a few days to consider the possibility, scoffing at ideas that the McCain camp had denied any connection to the reported connection. "If this doesn't pan out, I have another option," he said, apparently referring to his recent secret trip to meet Hillary Clinton at an airport in Bosnia to discuss her concept of a "national unity ticket." Craig's grimaced as he recalled landing at the remote airstrip dodging heavy gunfire. After landing, he had quickly taken cover in a restroom with bullets still whizzing overhead. Then another one of those pieces of paper had appeared. It was written in Serbian.

Neither the Clinton nor the Obama campaign had any comment, preferring to wait until the second day of April.

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I always knew Craig was a bottom... of the ticket-type guy.

ROFLMAO - Both Waymon and Don. I submitted this one to the social networking sites; it's really funny.

An insider told me that Craig had an interesting coaching session with his staff right before the Boise press conference Don mentions above.

It seems that Craig's first political instinct was to get to the podium as soon as possible and announce to the press, "Despite whatever you've heard, I am not on John McCain's Short List! John McCain is just as satisfied now with my ... er ... qualifications as he was the last time we got together at the airport. In fact, I am not on any Republican Short List! Do you hear me? I am not on the Republican short list, nor am I on any other short list!"

His staff was also appalled to discover Craig intended to go to the podium and read the above statement right off the sheet of toilet paper it was originally composed on.

I give this one a 4 because it would be impossible on this planet.