Kate Clinton

Homeland Security

Filed By Kate Clinton | October 13, 2008 6:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Marriage Equality, Politics, Politics, The Movement
Tags: Barack Obama, California, Department of Homeland Security, George W. Bush, John McCain, Prop. 8, Sarah Palin, Schwarzenegger

Though I have not looked, I bet you twenty dollars my 401K looks like the Y2K. Actually, make that five dollars. I have been treating my 01K as I treat any new weird sound in my old Jeep. I just turn up the radio. In the morning as my galpal mutters and shakes her head reading the Wall Street Urinal, I try to focus on the Style Section of the newly consolidated New York Times.

Were you aware of the pitfalls lurking in the latest trend of men's fashion - tucking one's pant leg into one's boot? If men are not attuned to the proportionality of pant to boot, or if they are not able to carry off the maneuver with nonchalance, tuckers could be accused of - and you might want to sit down before you read this - "trying too hard." And still, the only thing left of my bank is the free pen.

California, the nation state that has for so long been the object of our sunny projections - the weather, the education system, the roads, and the glamour - is in a credit crunch that is shutting the state down tighter than Harriet Mier's lips under subpoena. Gov. Schwarzenegger recently announced that he might not have to bop the Fed over the head for the money. The Gov, whose hair seems to darken with the state's condition, said he was optimistic about other revenue sources.

Schwarzenegger must be going to hit up the Mormons. For bizarrely, as CA struggles to meet payroll, millions of dollars are flowing into the state either to support or defeat a November ballot initiative on gay marriage. The Mormons, and that's with two m's, have reportedly dumped $12 million into the anti-gay Proposition 8 war chest. So far.

Isn't that rich? The Mormons, who never convincingly denounce polygamous, rapacious pedophilia, are trying to portray themselves as full-on supporters of marriage, defined as a union between one man and one woman. Forget about all those old white guys cranked up on Viagra with the multiple underage girl wives up the valley in the Yearning for Zion Ranch.

The CA anti-gay forces gained four points in the polls the day after the veep debate. Joe Biden, who cannot answer questions in many, many words, had been uncharacteristically succinct when he answered that neither he nor Barack Obama supported gay marriage. Thanks a bunch. Also on the day after the veep debate, Sarah Palin quickly clarified that she did not mean to give the impression that she even tolerated gay people.

With that settled, she resumed her mean girl cheerleader role of stoking red state, red meat crowds with middle school, scurrilous gossipy lines about Barack Obama, or 'that one' as he is known to the Senior Moment from Arizona. Some in Palin and McCain crowds yell 'terrorist' or 'kill him' at the mention of Obama's name. The crowds cheer. She nods slightly in agreement. She is playing with fire. We are way past the blame game. You can put lipstick on a scapegoat, but it's still a scapegoat.

At the White House, George Bush has requested that his people prepare for his orderly transition from power. Too late. His Very Lame Duckness says it is "for security reasons" and has ominously reminded his transition team that three days before the presidential election in Spain, wherever that is, there had been a terrorist bombing. Already, in Ohio, a crucial electoral swing state, the National Guard, all four of them, are on alert and prepared to impose martial law in the financial crisis. In CA they are on alert to impose marital law.

Homeland Security, indeed.

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Thanks for the laugh, I needed it. I love your writing, and your speaking is even better. I loved the speech you gave on receiving the Pioneer Award at the In The Life gala. (I was so excited to say hello - I still haven't washed that hand -- may never.)

Ugh. I don't think there's a way to get past that sort of hate mongering. It'll always be there when it's useful.

Robert Ganshorn Robert Ganshorn | October 14, 2008 4:28 AM

Ya'll, it sometimes seems that I have been spending my entire life voting for that which is least evil of two imperfect choices. Oh wait, I HAVE!

I'm moving to Thailand! Oops, there already!

And still, the only thing left of my bank is the free pen.

Best line of the post. That had me laughing so hard...

Curtis Morton | October 14, 2008 3:34 PM

I believe you can spell "Mormon" with 1 or 2 M's; both are acceptable!

And I feel your pain. My 401(k) is not doing very well at all, neither is my Roth IRA. My Money Market is at least positive, but just barely. *heavy sigh*