Bil Browning

Oral sex bandit: (Don't) see him take it all!

Filed By Bil Browning | January 16, 2009 4:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment
Tags: Australia, funny crime stories, oral sex bandit, oral sex robberies, pickpocket, sex crimes

Okay, maybe the Ohio Dept of Faith Based Initiatives getting busted for promoting prostitution isn't today's funniest news after all... Allow me to introduce you to Australia's Oral Sex Bandit.

bandit_2.jpgCraig Cameron, 40, appeared at the Melbourne Magistrates Court on Tuesday.

It was alleged Cameron targeted beat users who he saw as vulnerable victims and whilst performing oral sex would steal wallets, money and car keys from the victim's pockets and in some instances would go on to steal the victim's car.
It is believed Cameron became so adept at robbing the men he could lift money from their wallets during oral sex act without the victim's knowledge.

Over 20 men provided statements to the police. The ungrateful bastards. Don't they know a strange man offering free blow jobs is probably too good to be true? You gotta pay if you wanna play!

I have to admit though, I've heard of being able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose, but never a wallet through... Let's just call it "adept." Yeah. That's a good word for it.

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He's obviously very, very, very good at what he does. Seriously, he should write a book on the subject, like the one titled Going Down, which is designed for multiple audiences...

But I have a pressing question: is that cute little bandit/cowboy in the photo a lego-toy? Want!

Good heavens- it's a followup to "Super Sucker"!

That cute little bandit/cowboy is part of the complete set of the LEGO Village People; didn't you get one as a kiddie?

LOL, No! Clearly, my entire childhood was a deprived one! :-)

Wait, they did a lego version of the village people? Too cool!

Looks to me like the legs on the little Lego cowboy are built so that they will fold, putting his feet up around his shoulders ...

Yep, that has to be a Village People action figure!

P.S. For years I've heard an occasional story about men in the packed rush hour NYC subway, who unexpectedly realize that someone in the crowd is messing with their zipper fly, and ... usually, when the experience is all over, they realize that their wallet is missing.

It's a jungle out there. It really is.

When concentrating on the fine feeling up front it is easy to not feel what is happening at your back pocket. I found myself penniless after a few blissful minuets in the back room of the Folsom Prison Bar (SF). Due to bridge fares I had to panhandle to get enough to pay my way out of San Francisco to return to my Sacramento home. I couldn’t ID him because I saw only the top of his head. Yes he was talented. He swallowed and left my Levis spotless on the front and empty on the rear! Although this was in the 70’s, I’m sure it continues today.

Oh, how sublime a set of minuets in a backroom South of Market can be! But so often, the action is more like a rondo, a scherzo, or a ... polka! (Uugh! The Devil made me say that!) Oh, and be careful not to step in that movement over there in the dark corner ...

(OK, Motomike, I know it was really just a typo --- but it was one of those typos that work, and I couldn't resist having fun with it!)