Don Sherfick

No thaw in Icelandic-Hoosier relationships

Filed By Don Sherfick | February 02, 2009 9:45 AM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Fundie Watch, Marriage Equality, Politics

The news from Iceland about that tiny North Atlantic island just naming the world's first openly lesbian head of state has no doubt sent chilling winds blowing through the halls of the Indiana General Assembly. No doubt, the same lawmakers and advocates who tell us that unless Indiana has a constitutional amendment banning the marriage of gay and lesbian couples, a cultural Ice Age will be upon us for at least 1000 years, are scrambling to find an innocuous bill to strip out and make sure the Iceland virus doesn't contaminate anything Hoosier, at least not sugar crème pie.

At minimum, I suspect, the new legislation will prohibit the Governor from sending trade missions to Iceland, and making sure that no taxpayer funds are used to promote Icelandic exhibits or books anywhere in our 92 counties. Any bookstore selling (or even giving away) expected biographies of Johanna Sigudardottir, the name of Iceland's new leader, will have to register with the Secretary of State or pay a hefty fine. That last name, by the way, will also be banned from any grade school spelling bee contests unless contestants are first required to write "God made Adam and Eve, not Diana and Johanna" one hundred times on the blackboard.

"We have nothing against Icelandic lesbian public officials, even if they do have funny foreign (and probably terrorist) names", a spokesperson for a well-known Indiana "family values" group will likely tell reporters. "We just don't believe that fruity ice cubes have any place in shaping public policy in Indiana."

Whether or not a proposed resolution demanding that the United States immediately call for ejecting Iceland from NATO will get traction remains to be seen. George Bush once profoundly thanked that nation for its contributions as an ally in the Iraq war. But that, of course, was when the little country was on the straight and narrow.

But it seems clear that the Hoosier economy will get a boost with all those jobs created to inspect all Wal-Mart stores and others to make sure no merchandise is stamped "Made in Iceland". Kind of puts the whole Chinese child labor thing in proper perspective, doesn't it?

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