Jessica Hoffmann

Regarding that video ...

Filed By Jessica Hoffmann | February 08, 2009 5:30 PM | comments

Filed in: Marriage Equality, Media
Tags: assimilation, heteronormative, marriage, nuclear family, Please Don't Divorce Us, queer, Regina Spektor, Soviet Kitsch

Regarding that video,

  • Please don't forget to be critical about marriage.
  • Please love the weirdo queers, too.
  • Please don't exclusively equate love with long-term, two-party commitment. Or atomized nuclear families.
  • Please don't think assimilation + inclusion are justice + freedom.
  • Please expand definitions of love + family.
  • Please don't heteronormative-ify us.
  • Please work for love and against violence in huge, visionary, multifarious ways.

(And please note: Soviet Kitsch is really the best Regina Spektor album. Some songs on that make me cry.)

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That's a really good point. And also, you are right about Soviet Kitsch being the better album! :)

Thanks. I have been seeing that video all over the place and had yet to watch it. I mean, I agree that non-traditional families should be supported. But please don't make it seem like that is the only way that I can ever be completely romantically happy. If it makes you happy, I totally believe that you should have the right to it. But I don't need to be married to be happy or committed.

Also co-sign on the fourth bullet. Not the same. not unless marriage is going to suddenly enforce hate crime laws, and create a employee non-discrimination act that companies will actually follow.

I agree on all points. especially (;) ) about Soviet Kitsch, which it's nice to see some love for. "Fidelity" is nice but nothing breaks *my* hea-a-a-art like "chemo limo," and nothing puts it back together like "ghost of corporate future."

Imagine my surprise when this perfect post was written by Jessica Hoffmann!

Then I realized how agonizingly appropriate it was.

In conclusion: I've missed you.

I adamantly agree with what Jessica says in this post (except for the music part at the end about which I know nothing).

Unfortunately, her reminders are not viewed as "GayPC" right now because they make it tougher to get straight voters to sympathize with our desire for equality. The straight voter needs to imagine the gay guys next door putting up a Christmas tree and baking cookies, rather than schtumpfing the willing slave boys they keep in their "finished" basement.

Here at Bilerico, we need to present more on this subject.

Quit being to PC, Father Tony, what with all your demands for us to "respect" and "make room" for people who are different or who lead non-traditional lives. :P

Alex, I'd be the last person to wave the PC flag. I am noting the climate, not advocating for it.

I'm just joshing around, and noting that it's kinda PC to ask us to all be sensitive to the fact that there are people who live outside monogamy, that they're deserving of equal respect, etc. Not that I have a problem with that at all, since I'm one of those who frequently waves the PC flag.

They should put in a picture of the first married lesbians in Massachusetts who married 4 years ago and are getting divorced now, with the caption, "Please don't divorce us. Just be patient -- we'll do it ourselves like normal people."

Good points. We should remember these things as we move forward.

Thanks, everyone, for your comments!

After my traditional Sunday off the computer, I thought I might return this morning to find people a little huffy about this post -- how marvelous instead to find so much love and support in the comments Monday morning! Makes me feel downright hopeful.

Unmarried for life,


Thanks Jessica --

I was talking with a friend the other night. And we were saying how even if we wanted to get married at some point, there is no way this would ever be the foundation of our political work. With the economy in a free fall and tens of millions of people with no health insurance (including 25% of all people with HIV, which is alot of our community), and dozens of states where you can still be fired for being queer and workers of any sort cannot unionize--we look real crazy with a movement over marriage licences. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

Brynn Craffey Brynn Craffey | February 9, 2009 11:31 AM

You're definitely not the only one out there thinking these thoughts, Jessica! Thanks for expressing them.

You all are wonderful.

Kenyon wrote,

"even if we wanted to get married at some point, there is no way this would ever be the foundation of our political work."

Seriously! It never makes any sense to me either. On so many levels, marriage is just *bizarre* as a central or primary queer political issue.

Glad to have your company, all.

Yes, this.

As usual, Jess, your words are right on point.

Particularly "heteronormative-ify," I like the verbiage.

As someone who is both libertarian in political affluence and religious, as well as a strong advocate for group marriages or multiple partner relationships, exclusively of course, thank you your simple words speak volumes to my heart and the hearts of many other queers in our Community.

I try to be critical about everything.
Weirdo queers - we were all that in someone's eyes at least once, no?
Love comes in many flavors
Assimilation + Inclusion don't have the corner on justice + freedom but are just that for some
love and family are what love and family do 9 (if that makes sense)
I won't heteronorm-ify you if you don't fringe-ify me. ( I mean no disrespect in my use of fringe cause I really did only mean away from the center)
I'm not quite Ghandi but love good, violence bad