Father Tony

My Offended Reader in Maine

Filed By Father Tony | September 17, 2009 11:00 AM | comments

Filed in: Living, Marriage Equality
Tags: Catholic church, gay marriage, Maine, Maine Marriage Equality, same-sex marriage

Dear "Father" Tony:

Your fanatically anti-Catholic efforts sadden me and I will pray for you because I think you need it desperately. Have you not asked yourself why you are attacking our clergy? Isn't it self-serving? Don't bother responding, you will have to answer to God our Father, not to us.

Yours in Jesus Christ,

Maine Catholics who follow the teachings of the One True Church.

[FYI: Elsewhere, I have all but outed some gay Maine priests for allowing the outrageous "second collection" that will go to support the anti-gay efforts in Maine. That is why this reader is irritated.]

Dear Maine Catholic,

There is not much that I can say to you that will change your mind, except that your son, daughter, father, mother, aunt, uncle, nephew, niece, grandfather, grandmother, sister, brother, husband, wife, priest, bishop and pope may be gay, and that they are burning up a lot of calories concealing that fact from you because they love you. They know how judgmental you are, but still allow you your hate because they value you greatly. How does that make you feel?

Furthermore, I want you to know something about your priest. Chances are, on his free days, he drives to Portland or Boston or New York and he goes to a gay bar where he meets a stranger and goes home with that stranger and puts that stranger's penis in his mouth or maybe in his ass, or maybe he puts his own ordained penis into the stranger's mouth or ass, and then he speeds home hoping to have time to wash the residue of sex off his body before entering the church and getting vested just before the bell signals his entrance into the sanctuary and the beginning of the Mass you are attending; the Mass in which he is going to instruct you to cough up money during a second collection to support anti-gay marriage efforts. Does Father look a little tired to you? It's not because he's been praying the rosary all night. You think I'm making it up? Email me, and I'll give you the addresses of their watering holes. Go see for yourself.

If your priest is not in that group, he is probably in that other group that has established a secret sexual relationship with a respectable married man (often, the local funeral director, high school principal or his "friend" who is the pastor of a different Maine parish).

In an ideal world, you would have the nonsense burned out of your soul. (Read the short stories of the very Roman Catholic Flannery O'Connor to see yourself depicted clearly.) You would see the sad absurdity of this situation, and you would rectify it by allowing priests to marry, by allowing gay priests to be honest about their sexuality, by celebrating the way our God made all of us in his wisdom.

I do not believe in hell, but I do honestly, sincerely, completely, ardently, deeply and most assuredly believe that your hatred would get you there long before my having sex with my husband would. Wake up, Mary, and smell the coffee that Jesus has brewed. I think, in your heart, you agree with me. It's just that you are afraid to take the leap to independent thinking in your faith even though you folks in Maine are famous for your independent thinking in other matters. Let your first step be in the privacy of the voting booth. Jesus already loves you, but he will love you even more when you vote to protect the rights of your gay loved ones and your tormented priests. Make some history, Mama. You know you wanna.

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BRILLIANT, this is the best response I have read in a long time to a letter like this. Well said Father Tony!

Seriously! This could be a new tactic, following around the priests who are working so tirelessly to harm our families, STEAL our earned pensions, and bring suffering into our lives. Shall we let their congregants see the cell-phone pics for themselves?

Would it be an invasion of privacy, or self-defense? I mean, we do NOT have a fair fight in ANY of these "contests" for rights.

(I went to a private parochial school for 8 years, so I still have baggage)

(I went to a private parochial school for 8 years, so I still have baggage)

Ditto here.

They do these hateful things in the name of Jesus --- although there is no evidence that Jesus ever did such things, or would do them now.

And then they wonder why there is so much opposition to their form of Christianity, and why Christians are "persecuted and discriminated against."

I still remember one nun pulling me aside once she knew I would be visiting my step-mother's church.

"We eat the REAL Jesus in our wafers; they eat fake Jesus......our wine IS HIS blood (mwha-ha-ha....might as well been that scary), their wine is really grape jiuce, and not the BLOOD of Jesus."

Oye. Still thought theirs tasted better....

Ooooh I wanna know if they ask for the info you offered! Keep us updated!

I cannot blame you for your response and also feel that it is vital that Maine Catholic(s) and others who feel it is ok to discriminate against homosexuals get the same hate and more thrown right back into their filthy hypocritical faces. This person is childish and rediculous to think that god is reasoning the same way he/she does. Manipulative does not even begin to define them. They should just get in their car and drive to hell themselves. ANNOYING, RUDE, STUPID.

Keep offending Fr. Tony! I love it!

Dear Phil, your comment I hope you'll be mending,
With a comma (It's always befriending!)
Though Maine Catholics their anger distending,
Won't you add one right after "offending"?

And, now, every one will be undrstanding why your on Ed Teams.


It's just that you are afraid to take the leap to independent thinking in your faith eventhough you folks in Maine are famous for your independent thinking in other matters.

Here is where you hit the heart of the matter, Father Tony --- and thank you for doing so. This is America, and all someone needs to leave a church they disagree with, or to speak out against it, is the courage to do so.

The one true church. REALLLLLY. How nice of them to claim that. I guess that means I can claim to be the one true top in SF.

Robert Ganshorn Robert Ganshorn | September 17, 2009 10:04 PM

That phrase "The One True Church" is so revealing. It demonstrates the utter arrogance of Catholics who think that they have the inside track to their salvation through association with the absurd.

Yes, imagine how another version of this "The One True Church" policy sounds:

God is your Father in Heaven. He created you and loves you. He wants to be your friend and He desperately wants to have a constant spiritual relationship with you. But you must only communicate with Him via His Facebook page. If you use MySpace or Twitter, or if you do something truly crass such as using plain ol' email, He will not listen to you and when you die He will send your soul to Hell to burn for all eternity. He sent His Son Jesus to earth to impress upon you that you must only use Facebook --- and as soon as Jesus started getting a following for Facebook, the MySpace and Twitter people, who are powerful agents of Lucifer, were so offended that they managed to pull political strings and have poor Jesus crucified. ... But God the Father and Jesus really do love you --- yes, They really do! But not if you mess around with MySpace or Twitter, you do that and you will surely burn in Hell!

Gee ... now what might be wrong with this picture?

Don't be mince words Father Tony, tell us how you really feel. :)

Well done! It's always refreshing to hear a fiery sermon that involves the truth.

So Tony, how long have you had this problem with hiding your feelings?

At first, I was offended by how graphic you got. Then I got over it.

I've been one who has tried for so long not to offend, now I'm just over it.

Go for it.

My first reaction was whoa! I hope this guy doesn't ever get mad at me! But I do read far worse every day from religious folk who pride themselves on how "bold" they are. They need to get a taste of their own medicine.

But it's a pleasant surprise that no one here has weighed in with the (I thought) inevitable "don't lower yourself to their level" schtick. For every instance where that's legitimate advice there are a dozen where it's shorthand for "just shut up and take it."

Dear Mary and others who were startled by my anger in this matter,

The writers of the gospels tell us that Jesus got really angry with the "money changers" who had set up shop in the temple. He knotted a rope and attacked them with it, driving them out of the temple and shouting "You have turned my father's house into a den of thieves!"

The outrageous "second collection" in the Catholic churches of Maine is worse than what the money changers were doing. Those priests should be driven out of their churches.

Otherwise, I'm quite pacific and will brook almost any bad behavior (including my own) with amusement.

I don't think so, Mama! Te voy a slap.

Let's channel our inner santa and put these bitches in their place.

May I drop in here for a moment from Oregon (Eugene)? It seems to me that when someone begins to protest so greatly any issue you have to wonder how come? "What's in it for him" (WIIFH) or me? Is he/she simply trying to conceal the simple fact that the issue is an internal method of denial and protectionism. For years I have often wondered what makes the RR tick anyway? I have in my personal journal the following quote that I really would love to pass on it's at the top of my to do today list: 1. Favorite or most memorable quotes based on life: "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." --From Hamlet (III, ii, 239). This comes full circle when I would say that 75% of our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters are aghast at the very thought of being openly out. Oh were not like THOSE PEOPLE. That proverbial closet is such a lonely comfort. So Thank you Fr. Tony for responding to that person's outrage and like I said "The lady doth.......!

Love this rant, Father Tony. Just love it!

There's the Padrecito we all know and love. ;)

The circle in which I travel and live has included several gay Catholic priests over the years. To a man they are exceptional at what they do, have unquestionably real vocations, are unwilling to be excluded from the church because of the hate and bigotry from higher ups, are sexually active and quite good at it.

I wonder what would happen if all the gay priests were somehow to organize and come out on the same day. What a shock and long overdue revelation that would be. If the Vatican ever did succeed in ferreting out and defrocking all the gay priests, bishops and cardinals, I wonder if the Catholic Church could survive.

Will, Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. And yet, when the opportunity came, they passed it up and remained in their closets. When Fr. Jeffrey Farrow lost his post because he defied his bishop by refusing to sell prop8, I and others urged the gay clergy to come our en masse. Shame is now on their heads. Still, I did not think it right to out them. Now, however, this offensive second collection is the straw that breaks the camel's bare back. I say we out them if they allow that offensive action at any Mass they say.

Thanks for telling it like it is, Father Tony. My question: if the church insists on collecting money for political campaigns, why isn't that money being taxed? Why is the IRS looking the other way? The government spends a lot of effort scrutinizing Islamic charities, trying to sniff out evidence of money-laundering for terrorism. I consider the bishop's political slush fund a tool of domestic terrorism.

My dear Father Tony;
I looked to the Philisopher-Queen of Bleecker Street for answers this morning, when I got my 'cuppa."Like you, she reached her breaking point with collaborationist gay priests and Bishops. Her moment came when the Catholic Church joined with the Anglincan Church to lobby for oppressive anti-gay laws in Nigeria. You have to read it aloud to follow the Southside dialect

(Welcome to the Coffee House and Lesbian Bookstore of Bridget Lynch, Irish ex-patriate living on Bleeker Street in the Village. Trinity College drop-out, Southside Dubliner, and "paythroon iv th' arts;" she has something to say about everything.)

"Tis war upon us all, Maureen, that 't'is, and no doubts 'bout it."

The Grande Dame of Bleeker Street handed me my coffee in a new shamrock mug, took a deep breath and continued as I sat down at a table close by the serving counter that she was presiding at.

"This Neegeria thing, 'tis naught but war 'pon Lesbeens. Five lon' yayers hard labor fer gatherin' in a Lesbeen cloob an' business. I'd be fillin' all their prisons in a week if me shop were there. Now, some er sayin' that 'tis the Mooslamics thing, the Shania law; them peoples not bein' Shania fans. But 'tis the Churches too, lass, Rome an' th' Canterberries, that suppairted this trawvisty upoon civil rights."

"Tis nothin' new, mind ye. Dhey use to toss us into th' Mag'dlen launderies fer bein' at a 'grave moral risks.' Meebee that's what th' 'hard larbor' is, since th' Church is ferever needin' cleanin' up after. 'Be lovin' th' sinner and hatin' them and th' sins' is what the Bishops bin sayin here but them same Churches bein' plottin' to lock us all up when dhey get th' power to be doin' it since dhey done it in Neegeria. As if lockin' up wimmen t'gether weren't th' stoopidist thin' to stop Lesbeens."

My cup was drained, so Bridget refilled it and continued her political discourse.

"Rome an' th' Canterberries Bishops are fine with Neegeria lockin' us up fer huggin an' rentin' an' buyin' an' meetin' an' talkin' an' raydin' Lesbeen books an' ayven bein' in a shop in groups iv two er more er ayven discussin' HIV. Thim sayin' th't dhey only want t' stop marryin' here 'tis a lie. Dhey'll be doin' th' same thin' here if dhey get the chance. 'Tis proopagnda, th' 'lovin' us' lies dhey tell; dhey love us in prison or launderies an' invisible t' th' werrld."

Pondering her wisdom for a moment, I asked her if she really thought that her frightening vision were possible in Manhattan.

"Well, Maureen, tis like this. If dhey were to be doin' it, there's not enuf prison cells in NooYerk fer it. Dhey'd ayther have to poot up a wall with no gates 'round the Village t' keep us in, or poot up a wall with no gates 'round St Paddy's Cathaydral t' keep us oot. "Tis chayper to put a wall 'roundin' St Paddy's, which is fine by me."

"But still, Maureen, 'tis war dhey declared 'pon Lesbeens an' gay men. Th' cold war tis over an' the rayal war has begun. An' me first act in response t' th' aylegal aggrishun tis to declare an embargo. I'll not be servin' no more Bishops an' praysts whin dhey come in fr'm th' bars with their boyfrins. Dhey kin get their soberin' up supplies at th' straight shops, an' too bad whin payple see thim."

Please arrange an audience for me with the Philosopher Queen of Bleeker Street.

Hiya Tony,

Excellent response. I would just add that in addition to the cities you cite, I have encountered several closeted homosexual clergy from around New England in Providence, at the Eagle and the two men's bath-houses there.

Keep on doing the Lord's work, brother,