Michele O'Mara


Filed By Michele O'Mara | December 02, 2009 3:30 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: cheating spouse, infidelity

I am deeply in love with my girlfriend, but at the same time I have a crush on this other girl, and it is making my girlfriend jealous. How do I get over this other girl? And if I can't, what do I do?? ~ Crushed

Dear Crushed,

The beautiful thing about crushes is how amazing they feel. Just thinking about her can put an extra zing in your step. A glance in her eyes can produce a flutter of butterflies. A smile can melt your heart. An email from her can leave you longing for more, and more than anything else, a crush - especially one that is reciprocated - can make you feel alive and desired. Do you remember when you felt this way about your girlfriend, with whom you are deeply in love?

Crushes can take your relationship in two very different directions, and how you handle the crush will determine this. Sometimes a crush can bring new energy into your relationship by reminding you how good it feels to be in love, and to stir up feelings that were otherwise uninspired by your relationship. If the energy produced by a crush can be turned back toward your relationship and used to bring new life to your connection with your partner - that's a great outcome.

If, on the other hand, your crush takes energy away from your relationship - in the form of increased contact with the crush-ee or waning desire for your partner because you are distracted by thoughts of the other woman, then you are walking on the tight-rope of emotional infidelity that can eventually lead to physical infidelity.

If you want to stay "deeply in love" with your girlfriend, the best way to guarantee the greatest chance of this is to cut all contact with the girl on whom you have a crush. No emails, no texts, no calls, no lunches, coffees, drinks or stolen moments - ever. If you work with her, make all interactions about work only, and stop flirting. It's amazing how an attraction fades when it isn't fed with our thoughts and enhanced by our fantasies. Do this for a minimum of three months before deciding you are safe to reconnect with her.

Then work on pouring your energized feelings back into your relationship. Reminisce about the good ole days when you first fell in love with your partner. Think about how it felt to hear from her, how you felt when you spent time with her, some of the things you did together - and share those memories with her.

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Good advice. If you really want to get over a crush, you can. But if you really want to give in, you won't cut off time with this person. There are no accidents.