Nathan Strang

Put some class in your Valentine's Day (and get laid doing it!)

Filed By Nathan Strang | January 28, 2010 2:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment
Tags: Valentine's Day

I admit, I don't think much of Valentine's Day. Maybe it's because of all the cheap perforated valentines you can pick up at any drug store, nohearts.jpgand the not so delicious bone-meal conversation hearts that float around my office every year.

The problem with holidays is that there is absolutely no class anymore, and the 14th of February is no exception. Some couples go all out, and others pass cheap chocolate and try a new position...

Regardless, hidden behind the jump are some tacky-free solutions to guarantee at least two new positions that night. (Don't worry single folk... most of these tips work for you as well, just find someone(s) to lay "the bid'ness on.")

First lets get Valentine's Day Cards out of the way.

My rule is don't give a Valentine to anyone you don't want to sleep with. And my overall rule with card giving is never give anything you bought from a corporate store. There are zillions of boutique design studios selling hand printed cards for any and every occasion. Sure, they cost a bit more, but spending $2-3 on a card isn't really that much, and the person receiving it will know. You can look in places like Etsy, a site where artists can hawk their handmade gifts/art, or poke around your city for a boutique stationary shop.


My personal favorite this year is a set from a local design studio in Buffalo, NY called Hero Design. They feature 4 designs handprinted and assembled in their studio, 3 cards each of 4 designs (that makes 12) for $24. Each 5x5 card is printed on acid free 100lb stock and comes with its own red envelope. Get your set here from their etsy or webstore.

Channel your inner Cassanova, or just listen to Martha Stewart. Or me.

My boyfriend Jay was in a munchie moment and brought home some serious snacking supplies, one of which was a bag of Dove chocolates. [Meta] Did you catch those two bits of alliteration in that last sentence? Alex Blaze, do I get a Grammar Award? [/Meta] Apparently, Dove has teamed up with Martha Stewart to provide classy holiday tips instead of the usual uplifting messages. That was actually the prompt for this post... Anyways, I could go on about her quotes, like "A dozen roses can camouflage flaws in a less-than-stellar vase" but I'm gonna give you my own.

Note: I'm a gay cissexual man, so these tips will be written as to entice another gay man, since that's where I have authority. I think you buy lesbians power tools.

  1. If you cohabitate with your coffee drinking lover, before he heads off to work, slip a Starbucks gift card in his wallet where he'd notice it when buying his grande red eye and morning bun.
  2. When it comes to buying flowers, if your boyfriend is sorta butch, or just doesn't respond to that stuff, don't get any for him. On the other hand, if your boyfriend does, but you don't really find the point in flowers, get him a sweet looking plant. That way, you still don't have to buy something that will die in a week, and he knows you're trying.
  3. Make something. The history of Valentine's Day was all about handmade Valentines, which is how they used to hit on people back in the day (crafty and fertile got you laid). The coolest thing I ever whipped up was a mixtape for my [now ex] boyfriend (check out photos here). I chiseled out an old cassette tape, glued the guts of a thumbdrive inside, made a label and case for it. Then I loaded a gig of my favorite music with songs that I really loved and gave it to him. You don't have to go all GayGeeks, but everybody has a bit of crafty in him. Make it and he will come.
  4. Involve food. The quickest way to a guys heart really is his stomach. Well, bears at least (mine sure does!). You don't always have to cook, but feed him well. A fed bear is a horny bear.
  5. Play off the holiday. A lot of couples don't celebrate V-Day, but if you hide a card somewhere he's gonna find it when you aren't around... you can get your point across without getting too gushy. You can still play it off by punching him in the shoulder when he thanks you.

Leave a comment

We want to know your opinion on this issue! While arguing about an opinion or idea is encouraged, personal attacks will not be tolerated. Please be respectful of others.

The editorial team will delete a comment that is off-topic, abusive, exceptionally incoherent, includes a slur or is soliciting and/or advertising. Repeated violations of the policy will result in revocation of your user account. Please keep in mind that this is our online home; ill-mannered house guests will be shown the door.

that jump drive cassette tape you made is sick!

Thanks man... it really wasn't all that hard... worst part was dremeling down the case.