Kate Clinton

Out of Control

Filed By Kate Clinton | January 27, 2011 12:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment
Tags: Annette Bening, Oscar nominations, out of control, Vanity Fair

Congratulations to Annette Bening on her Oscar nomination in The Kids Are All Right, for the role described by the New York Times as "a controlling lesbian." I say it's about time! Annette-Benning-with-Julianne-Moore.jpgTime not just for Annette Bening to get an Oscar. It s way past time for controlling lesbian to be so honored.

Really, it's an honor just to be nominated. And I'm not just saying that. Look at this year's other nominated roles: really sad mom, have-you-seen-my-dad teen, really beautiful in love girl, nutzoid ballerina. We are honored just to be in the company of these groundbreaking roles, but since we so rarely get this far, I hope this really is our year. Unlike the Jets.

Make all the controlling lesbian jokes you want. Red carpet: "What are you wearing, Eddie Bauer flannel?" After-party: "You read Vanity Fair?" Post-Oscar: "Will you put your Oscar near your softball trophy?"

Of course there have been lesbians in film: British teacher lesbians, serial killer lesbians, nun lesbians, cowgirl lesbians, horse-loving lesbians, soccer lesbians. Just this year Angelina Jolie was one shoot-em-up, mankiller badass in Salt. But she never came out as a lesbian. She didn't have to. Sue Sylvester is not Jane Lynch and besides that would be for the Emmy. This is a first for a boldly controlling open lesbian.

I'm working on some ideas for the controlling lesbian acceptance speech. Word to the wise: don't you dare start up the band music while the she is thanking her gym teacher, Title IX, and PFLAG parents. That would not be pretty.

I know I speak for all controlling lesbians, when I say, "Let this be our year! Or else."

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Paige Listerud | January 27, 2011 2:00 PM

Of course, when Mark Ruffalo's character was controlling, he was just being "a man."

Kisses to all the controlling lesbians out there. Things get done because you're on the ball!

Rise up, sister Controlling Lesbians and claim what is ours, or what is somone elses and ought to be ours...

Are you sure you don't write fantasy novels? :)

In the sense that Closing Arguments often dance on that border, I suppose that I do. Of course, you recognise that I was speaking tongue in cheek, for fun? :)

What we need is a controlling lesbian President. Then some things would get done around here.

SOMEone has to take care of business. ;)

But, I'm just a controlling bisexual -- I haven't found my perfect movie role yet.