Bil Browning

But I Thought He Was Gay!

Filed By Bil Browning | March 25, 2011 4:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: Adam Sandler, breast massage, Jersey City, not gay

This has to be one of the most ridiculous stories I've ever heard. A woman went to a massage parlor and her male therapist gave her what she asked for. Now she's pissed and making a stink of it. Why? Grand Velas - Massage, Health FacilitatesShe thought he was gay and he's not.

A 20-year-old Jersey City woman said she consented to having her breasts and buttocks massaged at a downtown Jersey City health club because she believed her male massage therapist was gay. But after she was informed that he in fact has a girlfriend, she filed a police complaint alleging sexual criminal contact. But it seems that the masseur, a 30-year-old Jersey City resident, never purported to be gay--he appeared "shocked" to learn of the complaint.

I'll admit my knowledge of women's breasts is, shall we say, a little lacking. Since they're not made of muscle, I had to look and see if there's a reason to massage them. Apparently there is.

Why do people always assume that massage therapists get off on working on their clients? Just because the guy is straight doesn't mean he's not a professional. Doctors and massage therapists regularly see their patients nude; it comes with the territory. Maybe she's seen too many Adam Sandler movies?


Leave a comment

We want to know your opinion on this issue! While arguing about an opinion or idea is encouraged, personal attacks will not be tolerated. Please be respectful of others.

The editorial team will delete a comment that is off-topic, abusive, exceptionally incoherent, includes a slur or is soliciting and/or advertising. Repeated violations of the policy will result in revocation of your user account. Please keep in mind that this is our online home; ill-mannered house guests will be shown the door.

Om Kalthoum | March 25, 2011 4:20 PM
"Massaging the breast is becoming very popular among the Western countries as a method to improve the bust line."

SHUT UP! The things you learn from gay men. Bil, all I can say is, "Ouch." And, "I'll pass, thanks."

Leigh Anne | March 25, 2011 5:12 PM

Now who's the Boob?

Weird story. I feel sorry for the guy.


Many millions of women have had their breasts "massaged" with no improvement in their size, trust me. Sorry, Orville, it'll never fly.

But even so, the woman has no case. The man's orientation is not a factor legally speaking. I hope the case is thrown out.

This story is just weird. That woman is off her rocker. This is totally something we'd see mocked in The Onion.

Bil please forward me the massage therapist's phone number if you have it. I'll be in Jersey later this year.

Funny I should read this two hours before my massage appointment. With a male therapist.

This is the weirdest story ever. Can she be sued for...straightphobia? Is this a straight panic defense?
And what's all this b.s about Asian women massaging their breasts for centuries? Not that there's anything wrong with it - but this is another one of those invented rituals, like henna-painting on pregnant bellies, a la Alanis Morisette, who would have us believe that it's an ancient Indian ritual when no such thing exists except in the minds of money-making henna artists.
At least to the best of my knowledge. This is going to make for some interesting conversations with all my friends in Asia - that vast continent with thousands of vastly different cultures which so many blithely club together as one.
I shall report back from my fact-finding mission.

I'm sure you're going to have lots of fun on that breast-massage fact-finding mission. :)

Sir Oliver Martext | March 27, 2011 3:22 PM

Yeah, that website seems about as reliable as Spam e-mail.

It says that breasts are made up of "tissue." In related news, cars are made of matter and heat is made of energy.

Alex please stop being so scientific. When a man is hot in the back seat of a car it really don't matter where the tissue is.