Bil Browning

'Paula Brooks' Offers Formal Apology

Filed By Bil Browning | June 20, 2011 8:00 AM | comments

Filed in: Media
Tags: Bill Graber, LezGetReal, Paula Brooks

Thumbnail image for BloggingTyping.jpgBill Graber, the middle aged straight guy posing as lesbian blogger "Paula Brooks" of LezGetReal, has offered his full apology for deceiving the community. You can tell it's sincere because he posted it on his website.

I wouldn't want to say it's a desperate attempt to keep his fifteen minutes of fame going for an extra few heartbeats, but... Well, yeah. I do.

It's after the break if you feel like reading the latest writings of a fraud.

I created Paula the Surf Mom as a literary construct for my Queen of Surf Pirates blog... but as we all know now I am not a lesbian.

I wanted her to be a lesbian because in my male mind, that is a pretty strong figure; an independent woman who needs no male protectors.

So I came to your blogs to find out just what is a real lesbian... the real person to make my Paula the Surf Mom more credible.

As I read your blogs I saw you were just like me.... You went to work... you tried to pay bills... you were funny... and you have families.

But I also saw that even though you are just like me... you have none of the protection for your families or your lives that I have.

As I came to know you as on-line friends, you taught me so much about what it is to be you and the more I developed Paula... the madder I got about your treatment. This is not what MY America is all about.

I thought you needed help to make this this shit stop. I wanted to help.... but I feared you would not trust me if knew I were who I really am.

Now from my point of view, Bill Graber, straight white man, member of the most privileged class in America... I got pretty upset at your treatment by people like me. Because any person who has talked to all of you like I did and came to know you like I did... MUST be outraged at the way good folks like you get treated and they cannot stand back.

I was mad because, even though you did not know it, I WAS a member of the most privileged class in America, and could walk away anytime I wanted, but you could not.
But the only thing I had to offer was my talents as a web developer; organizer and a creative writer, and yes a Big Bull Shit artist... so I used those talents to try to do something to make it stop, and try to help make a difference. I wanted to get your message out to other people like me, so they would fight for you .

But I lied to you, and I deceived you. I also played mind games and I hurt some of you while I was doing all this... And none of my good intentions makes any of that right.
For that you cannot even imagine how sorry I am.
Bill Graber

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Ah, another round of the integrity wars... hurrah.

All I'm saying is, incidence studies put this individual, at their age, at somewhere within an order of magnitude of 1 in 200 likelihood of being lesbian-identified and not transitioned.

I'd take someone offering twenty to one. Wouldn't be the first self-hating tryke in the closet is all I'm saying. But it's interesting the sheer venom that has just exploded at someone who presented and tried to pass as cis female but was discovered to be assigned male.

That's all.

It is rather sickmaking that he tries to justify his lies.

Funny how he doesn't apologise for the large amounts of money owing to a web developer who spent a month fixing the website, or the other bloggers who footed the bill the whole time. He told me that Mel Nathan had stolen the money (while she was paying for everything) and told the web dev (a friend of mine) that he couldn't afford to pay because his twins would starve.

If this guy knew as much about us as he claims then he would also know we welcome anyone to fight for equality. He did not have to hide or lie about who or what he is to join the fight.

I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss his apology or support. I'm not saying what he did wasn't wrong but he did also build a fairly big blog that reached out to people even another deceptive white male.If he truly supports equality all I'm saying is that I'd hold him to it. Somehow someone should try to turn this lemon into lemonade.

"A literary construct"

Ahhh, that's what we're calling lies these days. And not only lies, but lies which were exploited to get sympathy for disabilities, for pretend dead partners, for kicking people off his site, to rip off his friends' identities, for manipulating an agoraphobic member of his blog staff to do tons of work for him and for gaining entitlement to presume to speak for a community which he claims to care about and could have been an ally for but for which he had to claim an "authentic" voice by constructing a house of cards. That kind of lie.

Om Kalthoum | June 20, 2011 1:18 PM

The fact that the people running that blog now (neither of whom is a lesbian) allowed him to post anything else there tells me a lot about their integrity. It's a total laff fest.

Om Kalthoum I believe you are mistaken in saying there are currently no lesbians running the blog Bridgette LaVictoire idenitifies as Lesbian.

Om Kalthoum | June 21, 2011 12:19 AM

Lisa, I don't know about mistaken. Bridgette is welcome to identify as anything she wants, and if I met her in person I would certainly be respectful towards her. But I have difficulty seeing her as a lesbian. She wrote that she came out in 1999, yet in another account she said that she had the "first" of her surgeries less than a year ago. And just so we know for certain what she meant, she tells us that she had her testicles removed last August because they had become swollen, not for sex reassignment purposes; and that she wears removable prosthetic breasts.

So during most of the time Bridgette LaVictoire wrote for Lez Get Real, she was a fully intact male. And I can only assume she is still packing male equipment or she would have blogged about the loss of that, too. Sorry, but in my world that does not a lesbian make. YMMV.

So, is he a 'cross-blogger'? hehe

I think he is full of $#!#, myself.

A sincere apology would be accepted, but his continued actions, such as posting comments on various blogs as Paula Brooks, shows a lack of any integrity.

He is also taking credit for the first Outer Banks Pride Fest. In a comment, this is what Bill Graber had to say, as "Paula Brooks."

Next weekend the Outer Banks is holding it first ever Pride... and that event is being sponsored by local business leaders. Paula the Surf Mom brought the struggle for you right to their attention.... and now they are on you side. She made a difference. June 19, 2011 5:41 AM

So, just because Mr. Graber says so, the entire Outer Banks GLBTQ movement is a direct result of his "Paula the Surfer Mom" blog?


I am currently waiting for a response from the organizers down in the Outer Banks to find out if they have even heard of the Lez Get Real site, or the "Paula the Surfer Mom" blogs.

I am also digging for anyone who can verify the fact that Mr. Graber ever contributed his time, talent or money to any GLBTQ organization, OTHER than his own websites.

I am sure the TRUE, GLBTQ activist in NC are going to be thrilled to know, that they can all just go home, because "Mr. Graber says, 'they are on your side now' and the fight for equality is over, thanks to him."

The amount of arrogance, ego, self-importance, and manipulative lying Mr. Graber's actions prove, really negates ANY apology he utters.

Until I see photos, canceled checks, or other documented proof Mr. Graber contributed positively to the GLBTQ movement in an honest way, his apology in not accepted.

A true apology comes from the heart, not the mouth and it is followed up with making amends to those hurt, and a promise not to do it again. I have yet to see a true apology from Mr. Graber.

Just got this note from David Miller,Board of Directors, OBX Pride, Inc.

"CJ, Yes, you can quote me. This is the first time any of us here at OBX Pride, Inc. have heard of any thing you have mentioned in your message to us. The names and blogs, etc. are complete strangers to us and none of those people have any involvement in anything we are doing or have been doing since we first started in the summer of 2009."

So much for Mr. Graber turning the hearts and minds of all the local businesses in the Outer Banks! Huh?

He started Lez Get Real in Sept. 2008 and Mr. Miller clearly states they have been working on this since the Summer of 2009 and had no idea who Bill Graber or Paula Brooks were and had never heard of either blog.

More to come, so stay tuned.

Dear Bill,

Should you, at some point in time, come to read this, allow me to point something out to you.

You said:

"I wanted to help.... but I feared you would not trust me if knew I were who I really am."

Now, think about all you learned in all that time of studying and learning about this stuff.

Did you, a straight white male, fail to realize that the point of all of this is that we are tired of being told we cannot be or say or live a life regarding who we really are?

Did you somehow miss that the core point of all of this struggle was to NOT be afraid of how people see us, not be afraid of how we are going to be taken?

THink on that. It may be part of the reason why so much commentary directed at you of late is so feral, so rude, so utterly nasty.

You did the very thing we are struggling not to do, and apparently you didn't realize that we are about *not* living in fear of something.

Personally, I still hope you want to help after this. I also hope that this time, when you do, you do it honestly and without fear.

Because anything less is just being an idiot.