Guest Blogger

5 Tips for Going In on the Down Low

Filed By Guest Blogger | May 16, 2015 2:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: 5 tips, LA Jamison, on the down low

Editor's Note: Guest blogger LA Jamison is the author of "Discoveries in the Closet: A Young Man's Struggle with Faith and Sexuality".

interracial-gay-couple-sexy.jpgLet's face it: sexuality is a complex thing. Not everyone knows they are born gay or straight out of the vagina, or at age 5 or 10 or 50. Whether you are newly out, straight but curious, or just can't get that one time with your same-sex friend out of your mind, I have five tips for you so you don't have a bad experience or scare yourself back in the closet.

I have the experience of being a very religious person attempting to experiment with my sexuality at the very ripe age of 39. Many people who are tormented in their relationships and marriages are putting themselves in unwise sexual situations with everything riding on this one experience to make a determination in what sexual identity they have. Though sex alone won't bring you all the answers there is a phrase "seeing is believing" and sometimes we just have to experience it once for all.

For over twenty years, I had been in the fundamentalist Christian movement and for fifteen or so years had been seeking help to "change" my sexual identity through the gay cure industry. You can hopefully understand why, after fighting so hard to "change" under the mantra "this is God's will", that I wanted to experiment on the down low.

Yes, I was excited to try what I had denied myself from for so long but it was also unnerving. I wasn't aware of things like LGBT community centers or groups for gay people other than bars. If I had been aware of this, I could have gotten better advice and help. However, coming out later in life, all I knew was what I knew - gays did things in secret. Therefore, I went out on my sexual desires to try to understand myself through sexual encounters, totally naive and completely in secret.

I went through well over a dozen encounters with men and to my surprise there were far more straight but curious men, or men unhappy in their marriages, then actual gay men hooking up. I used largely online hook up websites like Adam4Adam, Manhunt, and Craigslist.

After doing about a year or so of hook-ups on the down low and eventually discovering coming out groups where men talked about their feelings and experiences, I have learned a great deal about this place many of us find ourselves in at some point in our lives. I experienced the good, bad and ugly of this the hard way so here are five tips to help you make the best of going in on the down low.

1. Do Your Research

Get advice if you can or at least hang in the background of any club or hook up site to filter out the scammers you wouldn't want to end up in bed with even if someone paid you. Online scammers will only take your pics or are paid by the company to entertain and waste your time. You'll soon be able to spot the genuine and good opportunities from the bad by hanging out and taking a measure of the environment.

2. Be Clear What You Will and Won't Do

Communication between you and the person you are meeting for a hookup is key; if expectations are known, they are less likely to be violated.

3. Get the Picture

Trust your gut, but in almost all cases, get a pic and be able to size them up before they hit the sheets with you.

4. DDF Ss More Important Than HWP

DDF stands for "drug and disease free" and HWP stands for height and weight proportionate. Don't skip over terminology you don't know about because it could be something very important to making or breaking your experience. Obviously, you can't trust everything a horny man tells you, so use your judgement and know the signs and symptoms of possible STDs (sexually transmitted diseases).

5. Don't Rush or Be Rushed

Every guy is looking for their best, orgasmic experience so don't let yourself be rushed and don't rush others because it will just add more anxiety. Ask the questions that are important for you to know before diving under the sheets.

I work in education and the best thing you can do for students is bring to the forefront real life application to any lesson. Therefore, here's a real life example for you with a surprising twist ending.

I did my research (Step #1) on a very popular hookup website and then went about to meet a guy on the down low. I came across one guy and I asked questions that were important to me and made it clear not only what I wanted but attempted to understand what turned him on (Step #2).

On both counts, the guy was really stoic and sparse in his response. It was like he didn't really care or didn't even want to be doing this. There was no reciprocal questions but rather a let's-get-over-with kind of vibe. This stood out to me as a red flag.

However, I did get a pic (Step #3) and he was cute! It almost made the lack of communication fade into the background but I knew better than that by this point. Another plus was he stated he was DDF and by his pictures I could tell he was HWP (Step #4). I took notice during our communications over email that this guy was a regular on the website so I decided to take my time before hooking up because this was another red flag (Step #5).

He eventually got angry with me because I wasn't rushing into sex. Did I miss out on a good time? Fast forward to a year later... A friend of mine revealed he had caught an STD several months back - from the same guy.

I encourage you to take these tips to heart and use them. Not only can they help you have a great orgasmic experience, but they can also help prevent you from catching (and possibly spreading) an STD. Have fun, but be smart.

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